Aldus and Rohse

These two adventurers are fleeing from a corrupt kingdom. Rhose, the heir to the throne, was to be assassinated on her wedding day. Aldus saved her and now they are on the run.

Side Note Before this begins: First of all, thanks for for looking into this, it gives me great joy. This is the roughest first draft and I know it needs a huge amount of work, so if you make it to the end please give any feedback you can. It would would be greatly appreciated!  Also, there is some violence and vulgarity, this rating is put for everyone because most teens have seen/heard this stuff already.

1.

The air was thick with fog, the morning dew still on the trees and bushes.  The trees were beginning to sprout, Spring had just begun. The majority of the bushes were still dried and lifeless, still remembering the feeling of the cold and icy winter from before. But here and there, flowers began to grow and bloom. The sides of the road were caked with an iridescence of all kinds of blooming bulbs.  That is the type of treatment a road gets when it is royalty.  The Royal Road was the biggest trading route in all of this peculiar land. It was accustomed to most any merchant’s needs, having an abundance of little towns and fellow merchants that commonly tread its sacred path.  But where merchants go, bandits follow, and that is where our story begins.

On the side of this particular part of the road, two travelers lay, sprawled across the ground.  A man and a woman, both unconscious for the time being.  The man was burly, thick with sandy brown hair.  On his back was a sheathed great-sword, it looked to be made of the finest metal there was to offer, it was most definitely not crafted in this land.  He wore a silken red cloak which covered his chain mail, but only partially. The ends were tattered and ripped.  How could such a fine article be treated so poorly?

To his side, was the woman, a  rather fragile looking girl.  On her was a very fine grade of leather armor, not effective against piercing, but slashing couldn’t do a thing if the swordsman was only a novice (most bandits are).  The cuffs of her gloves had golden embroideries embedded on them, this was also the case for the cuffs on her boots.  These linings almost perfectly matched the color of the girl’s hair, a golden, shiny, blonde.  Her cloak was far less decorative compared to her partner’s.  Just a tattered brown mass with cuts and slashes all around this once decent looking piece of cloth.

These two were an unlikely pair together.  The man was almost a giant compared to the dainty female, and they seemed to be exact opposites of one another  A strong and experienced warrior next to a flimsy girl who doesn’t even possess a weapon.  It is truly an unlikely event to see two such opposites in the world of brutality, but the question you may be begging is, “How did it get like this?’. I’ll tell you.

~

The midday sun shone down upon the two travellers, their backs began to take in and absorb the heat.  Suddenly, the man rolled over.  His face, beard included, was covered in dirt.  He let out a deep grunt and blew some of the mess out of his nostrils and mouth, but then went back to his slumbering state.

“Aldus...” The girl murmured to her companion.

The warrior gave out a deep sigh and then paused.. His eyes opened, and they were a vicious and dark red color, “What is it, Rohse (Rose)?”

“I was just making sure you were still alive.” the girl replied.

“Well if I can move, then I’m alive.”

“I know!” She shot back almost instantly, “It just seems odd that we’re alive.”

“Don’t I know it…” Aldus did find it very odd that they weren’t killed and were in fact, still alive.  Bandits usually take the money and kill their victim so they don’t report it to anyone. However, bandits that only steal money and spare people are usually trying to afford something.  For all he knew, it could be a man trying to buy a house or maybe a meal.  This of course led Aldus to believe that his bandit would live close by if he was trying to buy something.  That was the bandit’s first mistake: To not kill them.

Aldus began to sit up, and from there, he began to stand up, Rohse was too busy wiping off her face of dirt that she hardly noticed the hand of Aldus offering to help her up. Shocked by surprise, she firmly took it and rose up.

They began to walk, and they walked for only for a short time, before they approached a side road. The side road happened to end up at a small village. It was most definitely poor, for they had only straw houses. As Aldus and Rohse approached the town square, they were met with 4 strong burly men. One with a dagger, another with a shortsword, and two with clubs.

“Greetings!” Aldus said with a smile, purposefully showing his extremely sharpened canines/

“These people don’ need yur ‘elp, sir. Turn ‘round an’ head back.”

Aldus slowly raised his hands and began to scan the environment. As he glanced from house to house, he saw frightened people. When his eyes met theirs’ they quickly, yet quietly, shut their doors.

“No need to be rash, gentlemen. We are merely looking for a person and some food.”

“We’ll give ye’ some grub, but what does this person have to do with you?

“Well, this person took something that wasn’t rightfully his. Something, that I, myself, worked hard to earn.” He glared at the swordsman, “And it looks like you found it, considering it is on your belt.” The little satin red pouch was dangling there for all to see. It definitely looked out of place for this person dressed in all dark colors.

“F**k.  Off.” The man said sternly.

Aldus smiled and drew his Greatsword.

Reviews

[Sam Fisher]

Try to avoid giving too much detail at a time as to what the characters look like, the part where you describe the Armour and what its capable of doing, seems, somewhat unnecessary, simply avoid the narrator giving too much information, the dialogue could use a little work, trying imitating hand or possible facial movements when describing the characters for maximum reliability. over all its pretty good.