Sleepless Sun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The glossy screen

It reflects the dusk

that falls like velvet curtains

Around my bedroom windows

The smoothly engraved buttons

Will never change into elsewhat

The soft white light

Will keep on fading

In and out...

 

I will not peek again.

There will be nothing new.

I turn to my right

The pain on my left is a warning

About an upcoming crick in the neck

I shift away

I will not turn around

towards the soft fading light.

 

When I see you

I should look upset

Because you're smarter than

To be tormented with

such emotions like--

I should limply drown

Into your strong arched arms

And tell you the truth.

Whisper my weakness.

 

No. Scratch that. Rewind.

 

When will I see you?

Hold it together. He's not at war.

Patience. Virtue.

I can't even form

valid sentences.

Because you visit my thoughts too often.

 

When I see you.

I should seem formal.

As if I haven't been deprived

of sleep and commonsense.

I should look strong and charming.

Like I haven't been needing--

Like I haven't screamed into pillows.

And tossed them across the room.

No, no.

 

My eyelids are slowly giving in

like drowsy sea tides

leisurly waving the sunset

Farewell.

 

When I see you...

I will bake strawberry-potatoe pies

I will ride a goat and

race a truck.

 

I've been thinking too much about you,

Now twigs of my sanity are shuffling

And my map of words

Is split and fractured.

 

I shift more comfortably

On the bumpy matress,

And my eyes are drawn

to the soft flashing light -again-

and smoothly engraved buttons,

and the clean glossy black screen.

I know I might not
bother your thoughts at all
I know there will always be
this thin, brittle wall

but...I still wait
When will you call...?

Author's Note

*Image Title: sleepless''
*By: perikznc
*Link: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=sleepless+in+bed#/d18qjrl

Reviews

[kaylynnmelody♥]

awesome write! thank you for sharing and sending me a read request!

[JEWLDUST]

Oh my goodness, when will you call? Or if you will ever call...~sighs~ aww yes, what a great poems, wonderful words. The pictures in my mind and memorie come to life. Thank you! :)

[M Garcia]

liked this a lot

[PaperDoll]

I like this. Really well done. It has nice flow, and reads with ease. I love the erratic nature of the character's thought, and he/she comes across as very human. well done. :)

[Little Birdie]

Simply beautiful, elegant, and so emotional.

[Mauricio Montoya]

love how it comes together.
excellent write.

[A.E. Surdam]

The words flow so easily and beautifully. Ravishing piece.

[hannahspelledbackwards]

Okay, I am speechless. This is so fantastic! I love how you didn't make complete sentences and then explained why you weren't within the poem itself. It's so beautiful and heartbreaking.

[M.Babu]

surreal!!!

"I know I might not
bother your thoughts at all
I know there will always be
this thin, brittle wall
but...I still wait
When will you call...?"

The anticipation is so tangible! The tone of the persona was perfectly applied and it really accentuated the brilliance in your thought process!

Fantastic!

~M.Babu~

[Dante Balsote]

This poem indeed has a nice flow, but it needs a little bit of polish, such as in the line,

The glossy screen
It reflects the dusk...

The "it" here can be omitted. There is no need for it to be there. It not only becomes an obvious "stumbling block" on the flow of words, it is also grammatically wrong.

Also, any punctuation (or a lack of one) or any "line cuts" affects the flow of words and this must be handled with sensitivity.