Paper Airplane (for Chelsea)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't we all posess a treasue chest under torn spiderwebs?

In it we keep

a slice of cake,

a pencil,

a nostalgic music box,

a crystal drop of rain,

a snowflake,

a pair of socks,

a face with a mask,

and a song. 

 

Some of us lost the key to the chest of warm memories.

Some of us would not dare to open it yet:

The scent of failure would reek out of it.

Then the voice of an unhappy weak person saying: They want to go home.

And when when it resounds, it makes us unhappy and weak too.

 

But we must learn to approach it admit that it will always exist as a piecof us, make peace with it, then hold it in our palms, fold it little by little, make it into an airplane of thin paper and set it free from our balcony.

 

It is difficult.

It will takes time. .

And it will make new human beings out of us.

Author's Note

Comments, reviews, and corrections are appreciated.

*Image by *ethe
*Link: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=paper+plane#/dkzok5

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

and a song.....
I like that.

[angelina]

I like the fact that you draw such conclusions as you finish with your poem. Broken memories are very delicate indeed. I'm assuming you add paper airplanes into the mix because of it's fragility, and the fact that when you let it fly it takes it quite far and in comparing it to memories that have been haunting us, letting go might be difficult but will leave us lighter for the better and that will take us quite far.

[A.E. Surdam]

Ravishing, just ravishing! It kept my attention captured. And yes, we all do have a treasure chest hidden away.
So beautiful. :)

[Ben Taylor]

"Then the voice of an unhappy weak person saying: They want to go home."
This didn't flow as well as the rest of the poem. I liked the comparison you made with the "piece of us, make peace with it,", it was clever.
Nice work.

[Cerebriation]

I love the way you write! It is definitely unique, and this is a great poem. I love the imagery! Keep it up!

[Angel Bird]

So very true your write! Yes some of us have the key always quickly at hand, others throw it away and try their best to forget even where they've put the treasure chest, and there are others who cannot carry their treasure chest alone, for its weight is way too big...
Very thought provoking with an incredible well chosen imagery and metaphor. I particularly like the thought of a paper airplane carrying away through the air the weight of those 'keepings'.
Impressively meaningful content!

[Emily B]

yes, oh yes! amazing words

[Dante Balsote]

I very much admire the line from the beginning up to "they want to go home." But the ending seems to spoil what was started by being a bit too "narrative"...but this is a great write. Of course this is just opinion.

[.shalynn.009.]

"It will takes time" This should be "It will take time"

" it makes us unhappy and weak too." Personally, I would change the adjectives "unhappy" and "weak". Not only did you use them in the line before, but they just aren't strong words. They don't describe the feelings and emotions enough.

Other than that, I didn't see too much. I actually love this poem, the idea of it, the structure, the free verse and the rhyming, the progression from description to action to universal theme. The first line was especially good in grabbing attention. I like that the speaker connects with and speaks to the reader. It pulls the reader in and makes her think about what is being said. I personally think the last line was a little...weak. I think if you had been less wordy with it, as you were with the two lines that came before, it would have been stronger. But that is just a suggestion, and you should always do what you feel is right with your own writing. Good job with this original idea and your lovely ability to use words to get tone across.

[Nayan]

Full of energy and hope!