Impervious (for Matthew Kult)

a poem about obsession

 

 

The pretty girl owes what

She doesn't need to pay

His addicted eyes linger

At the victim in dismay

The screen meets his fingers

 

Her lovable smile eternal

Yet so far far away

The urge is deeply internal

 

All at once

Sweet, Bitter, and sour

His madness leading him astray

For a delicate, moist flower

In an untouchable bouquet

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Wella,

We shall see how impervious you are my sweet. But I do love the response. You are like my a lilly so beautiful and delicate, but they eventually die. Will they have lillies for you?

I am coming Wella, I have no choice. You have been chosen....and I must do what my desires tell me to do. Then we will see how Impervious, too all of this, you really are. And when my thumb brushes your cheek and l look dead in your eyes for the first time, you will know....Death has come for you.

And hell followed with me.

Darkly and Eternally yours,

Matthew Kult

[Kandy]

I kind of lost the lead in the third line. Only in the third line, though, the rest was clear. Otherwise, it's such a lovely poem. I can relate to this poem when I feel I go crazy for something forbidden or out of my reach. Great job.

[Erin]

This is also very good. This might turn out to be an incredible book or something. I want more than just three stanzas though! Seriously, it's that good.
PBP

[No use.]

iniquitous men hiding behind the curtains ~lulling~ lurking~ leading the way into the madness of beauty and what it can unleash in an earthly mind

[momo]

very creepy and disturbing an attention grabber though it flowed very well and very much to the point nice job!

[mamabear]

Again another fantastic brilliant write. Congratulations. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you.

Love

mamabear x

[Havatara]

I didn't even see the rhyme scheme until I read it for a second time. I wouldn't change any of the words, but in the last stanza, when you underlined Sweet and Bitter, but not sour, it just kind of caught my eye, so I would either change it to bitter or Sour. Either way is fine!

[A.r. Bazian]

ok... the imagery is great... the figure is haunting!
problem is, structure, i think. in my humble estimation; and certain lines seem distant and disconnected! it lacks over-all build and relevancy!
maybe its what you aimed for. maybe its not! if you did aim for a mystique straying rhyme, to maybe manifest deranged fortune and destination... well you got it!
but the structure needs a bit of work!

all the best!
keep 'em coming!

[Anicca]

I like this a lot, it says a hell of a lot about obsession in a subtle and slightly eery way. Thanks for sharing.

[.]

deeply dark and delicous!

[RTB]

his madnes leading him astray, that line atracts me to this poem i dont know why it just does overall message was good and scheme great good write from a great writer good job