Fever

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fever

 

 

Like a bullet shot out of a gun

His body propels against the back of the chair

He moans in a broken parched tone

Reaching for the tissue box on the table

 

"Some sickness going around, eh?" you ask sympathetically.

 

"Indeed." he replies after a sniff.

 

Even when your faith is strong

in your immunity guardians

Your armor is gradually penetrated

 

It slinks through in the night

Like Ali Baba and his forty thieves

 

The pain alert initiates inside out

You feel your bones aching as you shift

 

Your throat prickles from coughing too much

And an invisible flame is amplified under your skin

 

You can hear yourself snoring since

The wicked germ has wrecked your nostril passage

Licking your fractured pastel lips recurrently

 

Your feet jerking after every

weird flash or crazy dream

 

Sitting up then balancing on your feet is torture

And walking all the way to the washroom

Or to the breakfast table

Is a draining journey…damn!

 

Sunlight is such a stingy intruder

To the bland eyes

And every sound and voice

Is upsetting to the ears

 

A glass of water is not

Satisfying anymore

Luke-warm or even cold

 

Antibiotics and pain-killers

Take turns on that tray

Lemonade, hot tea

And a cup of Laban too

 

The normally obnoxious little sisters

Or brothers volunteering

To be friendly and helpful

For a day or just until evening

 

A gasp and a whine

Vibrate agitating your voice cords

As a cold saturated cloth

Settles on your forehead

 

Your uptight pain-in-the a*s of a father

Takes pity on you, helps bring in the chicken soup

Forgetting yesterday's stupid fight

 

You feel painfully cold throughout the night

Even though your skin is on fire

a battle of metal and chemicals

Takes place inside of you

You can't hear the soldiers hollering or their

Clatter of swords and flesh

But you can feel your body shuddering

From the intensity of the battlefield

The blood of those who sacrificed

To keep you intact seeps out

As a shadow of sweat

 

And as you awaken to witness the sunrise

And the newly hatched, shells

On the tree branch by your window

The victory is concluded.

 

Author's Note

*NOTE: Laban: liquid yogurt. Usually served cold.

*Image by ~wasielewski

Link: http://wasielewski.deviantart.com/art/Fever-Exultation-28941363?q=boost%3Apopular+fever&qo=13

Comments, reviews, and corrections are appreciated.

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Nice write- there were a couple of phrases that bothered me though:

"No matter how hard you believe
You eat healthy enough
Your armor is tactfully punctured"

and the word "contents" in
"Even though your contents are actually on fire"



Otherwise, very nice job. Personally, I get sick a lot in Prague because I'm used to colds from the US. I never get sick in CA, but I'm almost always sick here. :/
Anywho- great piece. Love the conclusion. :)

-Coral-

"You feel painfully cold throughout the night
Even though your skin is on fire"

That is my favourite line from your piece! Good job! I hate getting sick too! I feel like i just went through it! :)

[A.r. Bazian]

Weird... you're writing weird stuff lately... none the less.. i Personally did not feel much for this poem... but i'm guessing you had something hidden in it!

[♥SunkissAngel♥]

Loved the poem it was well written.. You got talent girl keep it up..

~SK

[larryb]

Clever lil poem it flowed well and was spot on :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

Visual communication, as the words carry me through this piece.
Excellent write.

[just is]

Cool pic, the words are very gripping. I know the feelings of a cold. I deal with hayfever and asthma. I know what it feels like. Well described feelings.

[Marty]

i felt like i was getting sick, smirk! i like it great detail!

[Misty Blue Eyes]

WOW nice twist to the fever...very nice

[Erin]

""Indeed." he replies after a sniff."
If you meant to have this line as two separate sentences, then you did the job, but you should capitalize the h in he. But if not you should replace the period with a comma and you'll be fine.
The idea of pain to temporarily soothe pain adds an interesting undertone to a daily routine of sickness. Surprising how something that seems so average can be so profound. Message, tone, and style of dialogue within the poem were the best things about this poem. Nice job.
PBP

[Bubo]

This is fantastic.........the awful bugs! And how well you describe the step by step, and the help from family.............and the ending spot on,during the time you are ill you think it will never end!