Provisional. Precious.

 

 

Provisional. Precious.

 

 

You tilt your head waiting for an answer

 

I press my lips together

 

Consuming the laughter

 

 

You look funny when you focus too hard

 

But you're ruining the melody

 

Playing in our midnight backyard

 

 

You're cracking my quiet

 

I shelter your hand with mine

 

As I stare into the sight

 

Of everlasting myriads of stars...

 

 

Your ashen eyes glisten with a blush

 

My fingers ascend to your lips

 

No words needed, love. Hush...

 

 

Can we breathe instead of think...?

 

Can we stay this way...?

 

Drown in a gaze instead of blink...?

 

 

You stare, sitting by me still

 

My fingers on your lips

 

You've worked on that skill

 

 

You can read my lines

 

And my smile thanks you...

 

You cross your fingers through mine...

 

 

It's only minutes until...

 

You vanish back into your world...

 

You respect my wish and I will...

 

Miss the silent magic we hold...

 

 

A Shooting star…should I make a wish, dear..?

 

Even though I know you drew that star near…?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

oh God oh God ^^ this one is amazing in all the scales.
the rhythm is extraordinary
The imagination is splendid
the words are heartfelt
The questions make the song more beautiful and sweet to read
the close is breathtaking.
in three letters, it's W-O-W :)

[Shellie]

The imagery in this piece is stellar. midnight back yard...... stars....lovers..... it just pains such a picture. But your phrasing is fantastic, the way you tell it its told...as is...yet you hold it further higher like magic. am i even making sense????
i love this its excellent.

[Matthew Kult]

Hello You Owe You Pay,

A very beautiful and elegant write. It is a wonderful thing to express silence in words. Imagination is a wonderous thing. Well written, great flow.

regards,

Matthew

[My Fair Lady]

I love this. Young and tender romance seems to have so much to say and share, and then.. blissful togetherness comes in that crossover to quiet appreciation for the other person.. just to share a shooting star wish.. this is when the most is truly said. Really good.

[Matthews Reggie]

simple and rhythmic.... of course, it will be rhythmic becoz the flow of words were really good.... sweet poem with a brilliant ending....

[Jonathan De Elvira]

hehe...
sounds like a first date...
idk, that's what it sounded to me...
correct me if I'm wrong..

[Marie Harrison]

Very clever poem, loved the flow and the rhyme. Thanks for sharing.

[.]

this is a beautifully structured piece, the meter is spot on and the words flow elegantly ..the emotion you convey is almost childlike in it's innocence - which I think it should be to be this pure...delightful

[Bubo]

If only this kind of romance lasted forever, I love all the use of imagination and language, the shooting star that can bring such love and memories, with the added humour it was great to read.

[Molly]

"Can we breathe instead of think?" Perfection! I really enjoyed this! Something about it just captured that spark of life that we feel rather than know. I actually have a goofy grin on my face right now, as if I were the character in the poem and had just experienced this magical moment and can't get over how happy I am.

I'm an afficionado of comfortable silences. "You're cracking my quiet" made me chuckle.. silently.