The Whispering Train

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Whispering Train

 

 

In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place

 

...I've seen it before

 

My eyes caught a girl
She ran in haste.

 

...I've seen her before.

 

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace

 

Glimmering silver
flowed down her body
stopped above her knees
eccentric metal
clinked beneath her feet
and a loose shoelace

 

She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started

 

Unaware till a moment,
I enrolled in that chase,
I was afraid...
that I'd lose her in that place
among the rushing crowd.

 

She swiftly climbed the door
of the last open cabin

If I hadn't bumped
into the man in brown

I could have climbed along

 

I stretched my arm
threw my hand
my mind was laden
with the longing to be
with that snow-maiden

 

I saw her pretty eyes
turn to my direction
as she stood by the pole

Wheather she could see me
I never knew
Her long locks waved
as the breeze blew

and the little droplets
of dust and rain arrived

 

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

 

I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her.

 

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another

 

As I began to awaken
further from the station
of the whispering trains
I realized...
the rainy sunset was beautiful

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?

 

Author's Note

I had this dream at some point during today's afternoon nap. Dreams can be awesomly weird sometimes. =P Comments? Reviews?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

there are hundred ways for inspiration to slip inside our minds... and sleeping is one of them XD :)
I love the idea ( the dream)...
I cherish some breathtaking lines like " That rare golden hair that danced in grace","Glimmering silver, flowed down her body " outstanding description. Really, well-done...
I've just imagined that dream in some random pictures... and i really want to know why she was afraid of him... What you think about going back to sleep and finishing this dream?
Beautifully written, nice job

[Frantzuu]

First of all the tittle is awesome. :D
The first stanza is great,

"In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place"

Makes you wonder what that place looks like. It also has a dreamy feel to it because sometimes you end up in places you never knew existed. Great piece keep it up :D

[Coyote Poetry]

Easy to fear the unknown and something that is new. Sometime woman can create fear. Sometime you fear the rejection even with the possibility of being accepted. I like the story and I hope for a better ending. Great description and detail to the poem.
Coyote

[Cherrie Palmer]

great poem very vivid and smooth flow

[My Fair Lady]

This was vivid and detailed. I liked her.. probably would have chased her too.

[Matthews Reggie]

u r creative even when u sleep??????? this is really good, even if it was a dream i felt it was realistic and interesting......

[Blossom]

this is really good. I loved how you explained everything. very detailed and it must have been a very nice dream.

[Molly]

You did very well in capturing the beauty of this dream in words; I wish I had such detailed memory of my dreams (well, if I had dreams as nice as these....my dreams tend to be unpleasant so it's best to forget them) I love the imagery. A lovely read :)

[Nadi]

I love the fluid movement of this poem, it's really enjoyable to read. The imagery, in paticuluar the color, is fantastic and I love the descriptions of this girl.

and this:

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?


Is beautiful and thought provoking and amazing and I just thought you should know that.

[flowers_roses]

great (claps)....oh its a dream, but you rote it like you just rote it from your mind :D keep going

[Tomi]

cool