The Whispering Train

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Whispering Train

 

 

In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place

 

...I've seen it before

 

My eyes caught a girl
She ran in haste.

 

...I've seen her before.

 

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace

 

Glimmering silver
flowed down her body
stopped above her knees
eccentric metal
clinked beneath her feet
and a loose shoelace

 

She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started

 

Unaware till a moment,
I enrolled in that chase,
I was afraid...
that I'd lose her in that place
among the rushing crowd.

 

She swiftly climbed the door
of the last open cabin

If I hadn't bumped
into the man in brown

I could have climbed along

 

I stretched my arm
threw my hand
my mind was laden
with the longing to be
with that snow-maiden

 

I saw her pretty eyes
turn to my direction
as she stood by the pole

Wheather she could see me
I never knew
Her long locks waved
as the breeze blew

and the little droplets
of dust and rain arrived

 

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

 

I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her.

 

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another

 

As I began to awaken
further from the station
of the whispering trains
I realized...
the rainy sunset was beautiful

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?

 

Author's Note

I had this dream at some point during today's afternoon nap. Dreams can be awesomly weird sometimes. =P Comments? Reviews?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

there are hundred ways for inspiration to slip inside our minds... and sleeping is one of them XD :)
I love the idea ( the dream)...
I cherish some breathtaking lines like " That rare golden hair that danced in grace","Glimmering silver, flowed down her body " outstanding description. Really, well-done...
I've just imagined that dream in some random pictures... and i really want to know why she was afraid of him... What you think about going back to sleep and finishing this dream?
Beautifully written, nice job

[Jonathan De Elvira]

this is very realistic...
more often at the end of the day or time, we soon realize that all the bad memories that we've been through is actually a blessing in disguise...
nice...

[TamerQtaish]

First of all, I really liked this one!
Very well written and it kept me interested all around.

Damn... I never had an afternoon nap, maybe I should try it and see what I dream lol
Great work again.

All the best,
Tamer

[Shellie]

I found this very interesting to read, i love the way you put the dream into a poem...as a dream. alot of the phrases are very good very very descriptive verses and the idea of the 'place of the whispering trains; just gave the destination for your dream a reason and the expansion of it all was fabulous.

[Miss Coral]

Interesting piece- love the fast pace.

I would definitely consider working on the flow though. It stopped and started randomly to me, and seemed a bit disjointed. Perhaps punctuation would help us read it the way you do?

Overall, nice job. Love the word choices. :)

-Coral-

[nono]

I used to live by a train station and trains DO NOT whisper. So when I saw this it was an interesting concept and it definitively caught your eye. You did a wonderful job writing it and you did a great job writing it very descriptive!

[Bubo]

Sounds a fabulous dream that you have conveyed so well with images and emotion. Loved it.