The Whispering Train

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Whispering Train

 

 

In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place

 

...I've seen it before

 

My eyes caught a girl
She ran in haste.

 

...I've seen her before.

 

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace

 

Glimmering silver
flowed down her body
stopped above her knees
eccentric metal
clinked beneath her feet
and a loose shoelace

 

She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started

 

Unaware till a moment,
I enrolled in that chase,
I was afraid...
that I'd lose her in that place
among the rushing crowd.

 

She swiftly climbed the door
of the last open cabin

If I hadn't bumped
into the man in brown

I could have climbed along

 

I stretched my arm
threw my hand
my mind was laden
with the longing to be
with that snow-maiden

 

I saw her pretty eyes
turn to my direction
as she stood by the pole

Wheather she could see me
I never knew
Her long locks waved
as the breeze blew

and the little droplets
of dust and rain arrived

 

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

 

I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her.

 

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another

 

As I began to awaken
further from the station
of the whispering trains
I realized...
the rainy sunset was beautiful

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?

 

Author's Note

I had this dream at some point during today's afternoon nap. Dreams can be awesomly weird sometimes. =P Comments? Reviews?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

there are hundred ways for inspiration to slip inside our minds... and sleeping is one of them XD :)
I love the idea ( the dream)...
I cherish some breathtaking lines like " That rare golden hair that danced in grace","Glimmering silver, flowed down her body " outstanding description. Really, well-done...
I've just imagined that dream in some random pictures... and i really want to know why she was afraid of him... What you think about going back to sleep and finishing this dream?
Beautifully written, nice job

[Tala]

Sounds like an epic dream. I love the way this poem was written, it all just seems to flow.

[TAO]

Well, what an inspiring dream. That's amazing this came from a dream. It's well done, well written, and you've captured the dream's...dreamy...quality. Outstanding work.

[Deviant Works]

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

Absolutely beautiful, Wella. The entire poem was wonderfully written but this stanza is my favorite. The imagery in this poem is fabulous and I must say you have wonderful dreams. Keep dreaming and keep sharing them with us.

[Nothing Personal]

For one thing, you remembered your dream. The whole idea of how this poem came to you is fascinating. Who's that girl running away from you? Is it a part of you? You seem to know her. And then that station with whispering trains. Breathtaking visual and conception. Loved that para. But then someone stopped you from being with her and yet you had an eerie longing? This dream's definitely telling you something i:e if you trust Dream Analysis. Are you not doing something you love to do? Are you losing touch with something which is an integral part of you? Some questions to ponder.

On the writing, it was so well written. Graceful lines, vivid images, hard to believe that we can cook all that in our fertile brain.. Enjoyed..Thoroughly..

[Erin]

Word choice + plot (pulled off very well, I must add) + anaphora = an overall great poem. Nice job.
PBP

[Angela Mulley]

This is great, very well written!

[AreWeBothCrazy]

This was very beautiful, I love reading about dreams and you did a great job with it! I love your writing and can't wait for more! :)

[Geralyn Miller]

How beautifully you share your dream with us.

[Havatara]

It is weird, but it's good as well. I was a little confused at first, with the part about the "eccentric metal." Also, somewhere in there, you said started, and it didn't really make sense where you put it. Did you mean stared, I wonder? I also liked the feel of the piece. It had that winter dream quality, kind of harsh and cold, but warm and inviting at the same time. Not entirely sure if that makes sense, but that's what it was like to me.

[Jeff]

I want dreams like this. Great write.