The Whispering Train

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Whispering Train

 

 

In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place

 

...I've seen it before

 

My eyes caught a girl
She ran in haste.

 

...I've seen her before.

 

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace

 

Glimmering silver
flowed down her body
stopped above her knees
eccentric metal
clinked beneath her feet
and a loose shoelace

 

She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started

 

Unaware till a moment,
I enrolled in that chase,
I was afraid...
that I'd lose her in that place
among the rushing crowd.

 

She swiftly climbed the door
of the last open cabin

If I hadn't bumped
into the man in brown

I could have climbed along

 

I stretched my arm
threw my hand
my mind was laden
with the longing to be
with that snow-maiden

 

I saw her pretty eyes
turn to my direction
as she stood by the pole

Wheather she could see me
I never knew
Her long locks waved
as the breeze blew

and the little droplets
of dust and rain arrived

 

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

 

I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her.

 

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another

 

As I began to awaken
further from the station
of the whispering trains
I realized...
the rainy sunset was beautiful

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?

 

Author's Note

I had this dream at some point during today's afternoon nap. Dreams can be awesomly weird sometimes. =P Comments? Reviews?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

there are hundred ways for inspiration to slip inside our minds... and sleeping is one of them XD :)
I love the idea ( the dream)...
I cherish some breathtaking lines like " That rare golden hair that danced in grace","Glimmering silver, flowed down her body " outstanding description. Really, well-done...
I've just imagined that dream in some random pictures... and i really want to know why she was afraid of him... What you think about going back to sleep and finishing this dream?
Beautifully written, nice job

[iamkim]

Wow! This is really a beautiful write!

[Short.Nerd]

Amazing job!

[Morning Star]

truly inspiring piece
they say dreams is what poetry truly is about
and i believe that is so true
i love the imagery created by your words
The tile its very unique and perfect
since your words do whisper to the reader
there is an image that i can shake out of my mind

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace
Beautifully written and expressed poetic view of inspiring dream
OUTSTENDING!!

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[M.Babu]

"She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name"

"

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another"

Perfect!

~thatisall~

I can never describe my dreams with such acuity and vividness. This was absolutely stunning work (as i'm beginning to always expect from you). What fluidity you possess!!

#greenwithenvy

[TamiViolet]

I loved reading this one as I became a passenger in your dream... Word choice is soft, subtle and flows brilliantly... The graphic is a perfect enhancement to the enchantment of the dream state... And yes, it is quite mysterious how sometimes the best pieces occur from our subconscious...

[No use.]

retrospective awakenings hidden in the blur of dreams ~ the mystery within dreams can never grow old

Loved your picture first off. I think it goes very well with your poem. The poem gives off a dreamy feel to it. :) Good job!

[tshigg]

WOW great imagery! Your descriptiveness brings me along for the ride. I enjoyed every minute, Thanks!

[Rodney Russ]

Nice concept. I've always wanted to write a collection based on nothing but dreams. The strong imagery and metaphors add strength and abstractness to the piece.