The Whispering Train

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Whispering Train

 

 

In my last adventure
to the endless space
I stumbled over
this place

 

...I've seen it before

 

My eyes caught a girl
She ran in haste.

 

...I've seen her before.

 

The sunset tracked her
with its drowsy shades
Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace

 

Glimmering silver
flowed down her body
stopped above her knees
eccentric metal
clinked beneath her feet
and a loose shoelace

 

She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started

 

Unaware till a moment,
I enrolled in that chase,
I was afraid...
that I'd lose her in that place
among the rushing crowd.

 

She swiftly climbed the door
of the last open cabin

If I hadn't bumped
into the man in brown

I could have climbed along

 

I stretched my arm
threw my hand
my mind was laden
with the longing to be
with that snow-maiden

 

I saw her pretty eyes
turn to my direction
as she stood by the pole

Wheather she could see me
I never knew
Her long locks waved
as the breeze blew

and the little droplets
of dust and rain arrived

 

And the whispering train
swished into the space
of forest green soaked
in the sunset's embrace

 

I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her.

 

As I turned around
to face the snide shades
of orange, red, and peach...
I watched them fade
and dissolve...
into the sheets of illusions
a dream folded into another

 

As I began to awaken
further from the station
of the whispering trains
I realized...
the rainy sunset was beautiful

So my mute voice
spoke to the frail blaze:
Why was she afraid of you...?

 

Author's Note

I had this dream at some point during today's afternoon nap. Dreams can be awesomly weird sometimes. =P Comments? Reviews?

Reviews

[Omar Fendri]

there are hundred ways for inspiration to slip inside our minds... and sleeping is one of them XD :)
I love the idea ( the dream)...
I cherish some breathtaking lines like " That rare golden hair that danced in grace","Glimmering silver, flowed down her body " outstanding description. Really, well-done...
I've just imagined that dream in some random pictures... and i really want to know why she was afraid of him... What you think about going back to sleep and finishing this dream?
Beautifully written, nice job

[manu]

ur text made me to imagine as if i myself was just following that girl and was sadly shot back to reality when ur poem ended :) well done :D

[TL Boehm]

and you captured that dream like surreal quality with this piece. I have a soft spot for train sounds - that atmosphere...you did well.

[AtticusBlack]

The descriptive words in this piece make it, you can tell it was a dream by the way you use adjectives to set the scene, I can see it just in my head as if it were a dream, so good job there!

[Derin Strife]

its amazing.....I would have followed that girl too... and while reading it...the lines just go so smoothly and dreamy....until it became vivid & you woke up =P

[PaperDoll]

Love this.

"She raced towards the station
of the whispering trains
they had such a name
because when it rained
they merely made a rustle
as they started"

what wonderful imagery! I saw and heard it in my mind immediately. dreams are the best for inspiration. All the best things i've ever written can be rooted in dreams i had. And just why was she so afraid??

[Calypso]

Amazing! Love. love it.

[MissWordSmith]

"Was she guilty
of that dreamy face
or that rare golden hair
that danced in grace"

Just WOW :) I think I officially love your writing more :)

"I watched her go...
taking my eerie longing with her."

I mean, how do you even THINK stuff like that ?

You're one beautiful dreamer :)

[Matthew Kult]

Congrats on the amount of reads. This piece is deserving of the reads. Excellent write. Keep it up.

Regards,

Matthew

[White Ink]

The best I've read today, mysteriously captivating.. Great!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Ah the imagery to shock and be still at the same time. Your way with words refresh's me to not end, well done my darling.