Lovely Lemonade

 

 

 

 

Lovely Lemonade

 

 

At times silliness calls itself a poem

Despite my disapproval

And my pen would always falter

Before I could reach a maneuver

 

I love the way your daylight dust and smell

Keep their distance from me

 

I love the impatience

And the fragile tangles of everything

Fear and sour fiction

The seemingly saddened pigeon nests

Spells and superstitions

And greater thinkers from the West

 

I love the humble sound

Of the stone fountain

Burbling and murmuring all your

Precious crumbs of dreams

Which you couldn't quite remember

 

I especially love your indecision

Before your eyes settle on a decision

Of whether my skies should be

 

The color of lovely lemonade

And bits of artistic grey

Or the shade of ostentatious orange

That shouts and has very little to say.

 

Author's Note

*Image Title: self made lemonade
Artist: Rona-Keller
Link to original image: http://www.deviantart.com/?q=lemonade#/art/self-made-lemonade-165266300?_sid=6f3958ae

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

I love the impatience
And the fragile tangles of everything
Fear and sour fiction
The seemingly saddened pigeon nests
Spells and superstitions
And greater thinkers from the West

That is exquisite writing.

[Norma M Sutton]

I like it :) The last stanza is my favorite.

[Lydia Shutter]

Well, certainly an interesting poem to read. Surrealistic images. Lydi**

[Layla J Omorose]

This is a very good poem. The imagery was very good and i love the story that you told. There were a few places in the beginning however that threw me off. I think the second stanza could be deleted. It seemed a little unneeded for the rest of the poem. The wording of that stanza didn't fit with the rest of the poem for me. Without it the poem flowed smoother for me. Or you could combine it with the first two lines of the third stanza and separate the last lines of the third stanza.Also add some pronunciations where there are supposed to be pauses so the reader knows when to pause. Other than that it was a lovely poem and well written.

"Fear and sour fiction
The seemingly saddened pigeon nests
Spells and superstitions
And greater thinkers from the West" loved this stanza. Very good.

[R.A. Youngblood]

This is so awesome! :D Imagery is wonderful, I specially like the forth stanza. Inspiration from a pure boredom, and you managed to write something so simple, but so meaningful. It's like a lemon, sweet.

[kris reed]

Loved your poem, it was great! The imagery was wonderful and unique. Wish I had more to say (this poem is certainly deserving of much praise), but great job. The poem's brilliant!

[M.Kilani]

Nicely inked, I've enjoyed the imagery of the poem, it give this unique sense of warmth; soft, calm and solemn, I also admire the switch between stanzas, and the change of the verse numbers, it makes it sound like spoken word, yet has a rhythm of it's own that makes it somehow lyrical,
Well done Rain, keep it up.

[YouoweYoupay]

It really does sound like said words, because the poem came to me right after a meditation session. I was feeling refreshed and very harmonized with my thoughts so the words flowed naturally. I had fun writing this piece, and I'm glad you liked it. Thank you so much for stopping by!

-Rain.

[Abdul Aziz]

Wow, I don't usually just praise without saying anything. But this is just brilliant. Many of the phrases you've employed here are remarkable. I've seen that you've always had a bitter-sweet approach when it came to your writing, and here that snarl is well visible. It's like a lemon, more than a lemonade, and that's what makes the poem come alive. I love too many of the lines to quote. I'm sorry I can't say anything constructive here. I just love this poem.

[YouoweYoupay]

What a great review. Thank you so much. It means alot to me that you expressed how you view my writing and that you liked the 'lemony' snarl. Thank you again, Abdul Aziz.

-Rain.

[Leigh]

A great title and poem to follow, I enjoyed reading your thoughts and observations wrapped up in this atmospheric poem.

[Jeff]

Interesting poem. Good work!