It will pass

I wrote this piece for a mental health magazine on my campus. I wanted to portray the emotional upheaval med school put us through by sharing a story one of my friends went through.

"A fall from this height won’t kill us, right? It would just maim us." I often heard this being said, with my batchmates standing at the balcony and looking down. I didn’t think much of it when I first heard this being said. I just thought it was the musings of a curious mind. Then one day I realized this was not said simply randomly. It was associated with something. That something being namely upcoming exam. Such ideations, I discovered, were not uncommon amongst students of my batch and perhaps the whole of St Paul campus. I would lie if I said I don’t have such musings at times but I never quite believed myself depressed (but I feel a therapist would have quite a lot to say, if I ever went to one that is). (I will have to digress. The fact that someone has ideations doesn’t necessarily mean they are depressed. Do not rush to self-diagnose. If you feel something is wrong, go to a therapist.)

The misery that our studies bring upon us often becomes a mire we cannot escape. We gasp and grasp, trying to stay afloat on the sea of our gloomy feelings, having it be difficult to look past ourselves and lend a helping hand to a friend in need. The best comfort to a miserable heart would be to speak and rant about it, I suppose. Over my time in med school, I discovered that having a confidant whom you can break down in front of wholeheartedly matters. That person can be a long-time friend, a sibling, a parent or a person you're just really close with. It doesn’t matter but remember to always breathe.

I would like to share with you a story close friend of mine told me recently. It relates to the beginning of the hellish journey that is med school.

She woke up on the first day of basic science quite early in the morning. The sun gradually lit up the world with its brilliance and she couldn’t help but think it was going to be a good day, perhaps even a good week and a good stay in medschool. The first day of Basic science comprised of orientation and Introduction to Anatomy. The Intro was given by Mr. Y and she found herself yawning and falling asleep thirty minutes into the class. When she went back to dorm later and checked the slides, she couldn’t help but feel it was the course was simple. “It is just first day of school, why bother starting my reading today” she thought. She spent the rest of the day lounging in her dorm, watching movies, chatting with her friends. Later that day a dormmate of hers said this “Hey, have you heard? So and so already starting studying.” She replied saying “Nerds. Isn’t it first day of our module? Are they crazy”

 Most of the week went by in this manner, with different teachers from different departments giving their intro class, and she spent her week in pretty much the same manner, laid-back and feeling easy. That is, until biochem teachers came and the intro classes were over, the meaty classes were starting.  She was surprised at the volume of information taught in one class (to be fair in premed classes, we learnt maximum of thirty slides in a day. A sudden increase to seventy can be quite shocking to the unversed). As the lecturer taught the class and time passed, she could feel this ominous feeling crawl down her neck and back. The peppy mood she maintained for most of the week was disappearing and was instead being replaced by a feeling of dread (looking back biochem was nothing. Though to be honest I didn’t understand most of what I learnt then at least the slide numbers were less).

After class was over, she went to the library instead of her dorm, and that was the first day her feet walked on St. Paul’s library’s ground (and it would continue to be her home for most of basic science). 'It may still be first week of classes, but it wouldn’t hurt getting a start on the slides,' and with that thought in mind she opened the first biochem slides, Carbohydrates. She would read and read, but it would not make sense. She would memorize and memorize, but it would be forgotten (Unfortunately, such feelings would continue to be elicited by every course in basic science). The feeling of dread she felt earlier worsened, and her emotions spiraled into a black hole with no return. She stood up and rushed to the dorm deciding it was enough for now; perhaps talking to others would make her feel better. There she met a dormmate whom she clicked with early on.

'Girlie, wanna go over what we learnt in Carbs class together?'

'Sure, why not.'

'So, carbohydrate is classified into _____'

'The subtypes are _______.'………………………….

'Based on the rotation of the molecules we have isomers which include ________' (Forgive my brain that has forgotten most of the details of that class. People say to err is human, but medschool has taught me that to forget is human.)

A fountain of information was spewing from her lips too rapidly for her dormmate to follow. Her dormmate could feel something was utterly, intrinsically wrong but didn’t understand what was happening (she was lucky to have remained ignorant for a few days of what was to come). Suddenly, my friend started bawling her eyes out. It was then that she realized what she had gotten herself into. The tears couldn’t stop streaming down her face and she soon was out of breath. Her dormmate was shocked, trying to figure out what was wrong, failing to understand though she would soon enough. That was the first of many countless days my friend would spend crying in basic science.  This feeling of being overwhelmed would continue to follow her through almost the entirety of Basic science.

Though it may seem that there is no end in sight, I believe it will get better. It is until that really rough patch is over that everything seems dark and dim, but that rough patch will pass (and unfortunately be followed by countless stream of rough patches. I am of the firm belief that everything will pass). Patience is key in medschool. Patience, perseverance, discipline will get us through (it is so simple to type these words on my keyboard but hard to actualize. I believe to never despair and to keep on trying!). Lastly, I would say, it will all pass.   

 

 

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

What a fantastic tale, I think predominantly fact. Your use of English is super fantastic! How many languages do you speak? Your use of 'ideations' is delightful although could be 'ideas', Weflye Abdi.

Reading again, your story flows gently, sharing student life, its occasional hints of your studies and friends - such fine shares; how you view your days, is very interesting and set in fine language. As you say,

' Though it may seem that there is no end in sight, I believe it will get better. It is until that really rough patch is over that everything seems dark and dim, but that rough patch will pass (and unfortunately be followed by countless stream of rough patches. I am of the firm belief that everything will pass). Patience is key in medschool. Patience, perseverance, discipline will get us through (it is so simple to type these words on my keyboard but hard to actualize. I believe to never despair and to keep on trying!). Lastly, I would say, it will all pass. '

[Wefiye Abdi]

Thank you so much for your review!
I speak 4 languages. When it comes to writing, English is my strongest suit because I read a lot of books growing up.

[emmajoygreen]

Congratulations for not only your interesting prose but your English!