W.W.J.D.

A Story by WeLand

Every city has a ghetto. And Every ghetto has a hood. So brace yourself as I tell you about a day in my lifetime from the other side of Hogwarts.

A cat nap turned reflex from the alarming barking was how I awoke. But when I pulled the blinds back it was just the paperboy so I de-cocked the hammer. I went to lay my head back down but then the voice in my head said, “no, it’s time to rise and grind” and I said, “yeah, you right.”

I yanked the collars of the rottweilers until they sat for the Godfather. And then I hollered, “Kobra!” My first born, for him to run the water for his shower. Trust fund will for sure make him the first in the family to ever go to college. His mom just called and said she’ll pick him up in the next hour. Now I’ll be free to go and roam with the rest that aspire from a background like say a Jay- Z because all of the heroes in our history got murdered...

But anyways, I gave Kobra some advice, told him to be a good boy for Mommy, and then I kissed him good-bye. As they pulled off my guy Josh pulled up in a ghetto Mercedes, Altima. He had called me earlier saying we need to discuss some business. He’s always scheming on the next big dollar that’s why I fux with him. I hopped in the passenger where he passed me a ghetto cigar before taking off to Ms. Mary’s Diner on Arcade and Pain for some breakfast where we both ordered our go to dishes.

“I’ll take the all you can eat flapjacks.”

“Ok, and for you?” The young pretty little tenderoni waitress looked at me sitting across from Josh.

“I’ll take the swordfish.”

Me and Josh drew up the next play to be made on these torn streets as I sipped my tea to his tall glass of water until the hot plates came.

Taking the silverware out of my napkin, my twirling knife picked up a suspicious vision. What is ths? Three Goodfellas dressed in suits, Gators on their feet, and feathers in their hats. One tapped me on my back, and said, “Let go of that strap” So I took my finger off the trigger and then asked him, “Can I help you, n***a?”

I prayed to God I was dreaming. Nothing but clouds and white robes in my now close eyed vision. I knew my family couldn’t take it when the doctor said he didn’t make it. My mom hysterically crying, baby mama full of grief. How is she going to tell her son his daddy is deceased? I mean, we’ve had our ups and downs. In fact, she’s got beef with these hoes up the street all because I used to creep with her best friend, Patrice. But come on, I keep the hoes from nation to nation... But that’s a whole nother story. Or is it?

Now they got me on the floor with barrels to the back of my head. Told Josh that this didn’t concern him so of course he fled, b***h a*s. They took the Rolex off my wrist and the money stacked in my pocket. One of them started talking and sounded like he was getting in his feelings so this must’ve been personal. My first thought was I must be sexing his girl or something. Just then in the midst of an aha moment I realized who this had to be. This guy who’s been leaving me voicemails collect on my phone and sending me messages on Facebook calling me a moolie and more off the wall nonsense. I think his name is something like Roger. Patrice said that it’s her baby’s father and he wants to kill me when he gets out. I forgot she said this clown was supposed to be getting out soon. I just laughed underneath my breath and shook my head. He continued to give me this long a*s Eulogy and I’m like “do it already,” and just then a KABOOM filled the room.

Thank God somebody on one of my corners hustling nearby got my 911 text I sent out through my other pocket and they rushed to protect the hand that feeds them.

I was able to make my escape through the back during some chaotic crossfire. The little homie, Mouse, already had his Jimmy in a window and we peeled out of their in a ‘96 tan Lexus Land.

I spent the next days turned weeks contemplating, scheming, and plotting. I day dreamed about what Gotti, Escobar or Capone would do with a gold diamond encrusted Jesus piece around my neck. Oh, and by now I also knew Patrice played a part in this because she hasn’t picked up her phone since. But Chris Brown already told you about these hoes and Snoop Dogg taught me how to feel about them way back in ‘94 so... Oh and you know her and Roger must’ve bribed Josh in on it too with some money because how else did those GoodFellas know where I would be at? I had something for the all of them.

I got word from Lil’ Reese on where those GoodFellas hang out. I told him not to do nothing yet and come by my crib ASAP.

He came by with the rest of the hitters, Lil’ Siegel, Charm, Krazy Simon, and Lil’ Kim. I poured them plastic cups of Hennessy mixed with Alize and let the passion kick in a little bit before I gave them a Coach’s “strive for victory” speech. Then I gave out the game plan and sent them on their way.

“Call me when you see them.”

“Yes Coach.”

I sat around waiting for my phone to ring. Today’s lady of the night, Tasha, was her way down to her knees to relax me. I pulled her back up by the shoulders and told her to go upstairs and get the bed ready, I’d be there in a little bit. Just then my phone rang.

“Yeah, we found them.”

“You, Simon, and Siegel?”

“Yeah.”

“And Lil’ Kim and Charm are where they’re supposed to be?

“All go”

“It’s game time then. Oh yeah, and bring my rolex back, you can keep the stack.”

I hung up and waited for the Sun to fold.

“Kobra! It’s time to get ready for bed,” I told my little heir as I walked in the other room and he was hoping I didn’t see him try to flip the channel hurriedly from late night Showtime back to Cartoon Network. He went to wash up and then we both got on our knees and closed our eyes to say a goodnight prayer.

“Our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”

I could feel the bullets that rained from east to west through the backs, legs, stomachs, necks, and craniums of Roger’s crew before Reese walked up to a blood vomitting Roger begging for his life. He then made his brains fly out like confetti before dropping on the pavement.

“Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Kobra’s voice was like a solo in the funeral choir as Lil” Kim put the cupid shot through Josh’s heart right while he was still between her legs and about to have his climax and Charm choked Patrice like it was role-play gone wrong.

“Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.”

Whatever regret I felt, I knew Tasha would make all the pain go away.

“For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and forever, Amen”