Guy--Part Thirty-Six

Splog # 150

Thirty-Six

   Guy hoped that the voice was really as happy as it sounded. He reminded himself to always say Bugs rather than sir or Mr. Spa-TU-la, even if he pronounced it correctly. He was just as excited about commencing as Bugs was. Once again he attempted to extricate himself from the thing that had coated him against his environment.  But still nothing happened and he ended by merely wriggling around and feeling foolish.

   " Excuse me? Guy? I hope you're not having second thoughts about our glorious quest. Why, think of the good we'll accomplish and the fun we'll have at the same time. The thrills and the adventure! The death-defying feats! The hair's breadth escapes! The derring do! The excitement! The peril! The strength! The courage! The heroism! The lunches!" Pause. "I threw that in for a chuckle but you weren't paying attention. Guy? You haven't changed your mind? I know. I know. I've offended you. I was foolish about my name and you're thinking, 'How can I go on a quest with someone who falls to pieces over a misplaced accent? Why, how can I be sure he'll be at my back when we're in a tight situation? How can I have confidence that he won't go screaming off into the night? I'd never feel safe and sure with such a companion. Flighty as all get-out. And never stops talking. An absolute chatterbox. I'm sure that if we came into a situation that required silence, he'd go right off his chump after ten seconds. If we were hiding under a giant tortoise shell and surrounded by goblins intent on murder, he'd probably have an urge to regale me with his life story. If we were hanging on the side of a mountain in imminent danger of an avalanche, he'd probably be seized by an undeniable compulsion to yodel. If we were in a dark cavern and the slightest sound would mean our excruciating deaths by the most unimaginable means...' Wait a minute. What am I saying? Guy, you don't really think those things, do you? That isn't why you've repudiated me and are quitting the quest, is it? Because it's not true. I can be quiet. I can be silent. I can control myself no matter what peril we happened to find ourselves in. And you'll find that I don't really talk all that much. On occasion, sure. But only to help lighten a situation or keep someone's spirits up. I'm not really a chatterbox. A jabberer. Really. Just think of a situation where it's important that I not talk. I won't. You can be sure of it. I'll be as quiet as a mouse. Say you were hiding behind a door waiting for someone to come through, and it's imperative that silence be maintained or the madman on the other side of the door would know you were there and brain you with a bucket, just imagine that situation and in it you'll find me. But you won't even know I'm there because I'm so quiet by not talking. Or say you were tied up and you couldn't move, totally immobile, lying stretched out...without a limb at your command...unable to rise...unable to continue your journey...or even, um...to start it...just as you happen to be at this moment...eager to be off...I hope...but deprived of the wherewithal..." The voice trailed off into silence and, after a short pause, a few melancholy sighs dribbled from Guy's mouth. After they'd petered out, another gust of air, larger and more energetic, followed them through the portal of Guy's lips, which were spreading in a wide smile.

   "Oh, Mr....I mean, Bugs. Oh Bugs, are we going to do all those things? Oh! It sounds just wonderful. I hope I won't be scared sometimes. But I might. But even so...Oh! Let's go! Do you know how to get me out of this....this...whatever-it-is?"

   "Well, of course. Just hold on for a moment."

   A loud but melodious whistle startled Guy, coming from himself, and the seahorses that had been scattered around him moved to settle down and alight all along the uneven ridges of the object into which he had fallen. They seemed to rest lightly all the way around the circumference and, after a moment, Guy felt an easing of the form that had been holding him in and then he started to rise slowly until he was entirely free of the confines of the object.