Taste the Rainbow

 

Thoughts like storm clouds swirl and

Sway the edges of her reality as she

Sips poison words and smears on war paint

And fights the same battle she has faught

Every waking moment of her life

A heavy burden, a sword-sharp weight

Twists her once straight spine and fills her dreams

Leaving her in the dark, writhing breathless and cold,

Like a rose in winter she walks among us

Dormant, sharp, strange, and spread against

The harsh cold clay façade she wears to keep us out

Or to keep herself in, its all the same

She hides beneath the soiled sheets of

Paper thin lies and smiles, her face cracking

And im the only one who seems to see

The beautiful light that sleeps beneath

Glowing faint, fighting strong

To stay illuminated after being

Held back for so long, it glitters like sugary snow

In the dark irredesence of the southern winter moonshine

Inside she has touched the stars

Tasted the sun and rocked the sea to sleep

But she sees herself as sharp claws and jagged teeth

And she refuses to believe, that

Though she is labled poison and painted black

Shes all skittles underneath

Author's Note

This is a VERY rough draft, buti doubt ill get around to editing it:/

Its inspired by a friend who i love dearly and worry for so much.

Feel free to suggest where i should go with it or point out grammar/spelling/ blahblahblah errors:) thank you

Reviews

[Legion]

This is an incredible piece of what lies beneath. Perception is the forethought to expression. Well done chica. For some reason this reminds me a bit of my aunt that I try to help out as much as possible. Kudos to you.

[x]

Great title, 'Taste the rainbow'. It suggests a poem of beauty is about to be revealed and that is how I would describe this write, worded beautifully. Wonderful imagination has been used to speak of the private self the writer sees hidden within another. This is always a great subject matter and has been richly covered with a tapestry of words that delivers great imagery. For a rough draft, it's pretty good though there is the odd glitch....'spread against' could perhaps be 'spread beneath'. Keep focused on the meaning of words.

[Markymark]

I love the essence of this poem. It does need a run through spell/grammar check, but there are huge chunks of potential here. I am excited to see where this might end up. I'm not sure about the skittles at the end...but somehow I still "get" everything you were trying to express.

Mark

[Storyteller of Dimensio..]

Nice poem, though it needs work as you say.
First of all there are few ' missing. Then it might be better to separate it into more blocks and then I would say that you leave it for some time and pick it up later to play with it some more.

Otherwise I have to say that I can relate with the theme personally and relate it to few other people and movie characters I know.
The idea of masks is important in today society as we all use different masks in front of different people and some have the mask stronger than others and then they create this shell. (Internet is another mask for us. For many of us more open here.) It always intrigues me and I like the stories when somebody comes along and takes them out of their isolation.
It's important to identify the cause as what you describe is more than just being introvert (I hope it's the same word in English) and then create and environment where they feel comfortable and start them talking and if they have some talent use that and also get positive feedback on it from people they don't know. Like writers. Nothing cheers us more than a positive review.
Well better stop here before I get carried away. I hope that whatever the troubles are, you be able to resolve them.