HER REBIRTH

This poem depicts the radiance of new hope and confidence of Africa

A travel through time and sand
Reveals the mysteries of the land
With no end insight 
We will seek the light
Green are her plains
Enchanting the soul with music from her rains
Mama Africa is in pain
Waiting for that day
When she could again lead the way
After the hunting is ended 
And plundering of her store house mended
Her majesty will be restored
No more, oh no more will her fire be quench
Because she will have grandchildren to sit her bench
As her sweet palm wine from Ebo land is served
So will the legacy of her legendary daughter Yaa Asantewaa be preserved. 
From the great Congo forest she calls
Out in the heat of the Kalahari Desert she waits
No more, will her daughters thirst 
For the waters of Lake Victoria flows from her breast 
Through her toils and tears her sons return
Never to be taken away from her for her talons are grown
On her silky grey hairs she wears her crown
From EAST to WEST and NORTH to SOUTH
The world looks on to behold her glamorous beauty
Mama Africa has awaken with the rising of the Sun
Never to sleep or to weep, and with melodious song she will lead the way of the new AGE….. 

Author's Note

Please help make me a better poet by commenting and reviewing

Reviews

[Debbie Barry]

Your voice and emotions are clearly present in your poetry. I can hear the response in this poem to the pain in your other poetry. The strength, beauty, and pride are very evident.

Since you asked for help to be a better poet, please accept these suggestions:
Most of your lines maintain a good, melodious rhythm, but some lines get too long, and break your flow. When that happens, the reader struggles to follow the poem, and meaning is lost, which you don't want. You might try making a grid for yourself before you write a poem, and have one space for each syllable, or beat in the rhythm, that you want. Then, make the lines fit that grid, without cheating yourself, and without breaking your rhyming pattern. Include shorter lines for emphasis, but only at measured intervals. You're writing about a land filled with wonderful rhythms, in nature and in music, so maintaining good rhythm in your lines will honor that tradition and legacy.
Second, watch your grammar. Your word choices suggest to me that you might not be a native speaker of English. There's nothing wrong with that, but you're writing English poetry, which is often hard even for native speakers. You want to be sure that your word choices follow rules for conventional English, except where you use unconventional wording on purpose, to make a point. You already use some really nice, effective vocabulary, but awkward phrasing can make your reader miss your point, and you don't want that.

I can see that you have a natural feeling that needs to be expressed in poetry. There's music and power in your writing. Your author notes indicate that you want to grow as a poet, and that, too, is worthy of respect. I look forward to reading more from you.