Faith

As the screams echoed brutally in his head, he turned to the sky " as he had come to do so often in his life " for guidance. He murmured what most people would call a prayer, but in truth, it was a cry for help, a desperate sigh waiting to be heard by a presence so powerful, so merciful it would grace the lands with its majestic power and sweep him off his feet, probably to a land where he would lay in his solitude. He was never a true believer in God " he tended to question the things his eyes couldn't see " but in times of crisis, as his world was slowly falling apart, he searched for a “higher presence”, a transcendent power that could rescue him from his spectacular fall from grace.

He prayed to the skies, knowing an imminent answer would be unlikely. But as he was mumbling citations and words he had heard others so often chant, it was not God whom he was addressing, but rather, a friend, since he had been missing one lately.

The flashback started again. He opened his eyes, only to find himself in a familiar room. It was his bedroom, or what it used to be at least. He had never really been there for quite some time now to witness what it has become. He stood there in silence, observing, reminiscing of his childhood memories, reliving the moments where life would pass him by just as the morning breeze, fresh and carefree. 

Suddenly, loud screams interrupted the silence. He heard footsteps. He heard panting. At that moment, there was no doubt: he was reliving the night of his father’s death.

When a buried memory resurfaces, the wounds still hurt. Although he was a mere spectator in the scene, his heart was pounding heavily, just as if he were a protagonist of the story. His body was sweating, but he couldn't dare take his eyes off the incident. It was, as he thought, a form of closure to a memory that has haunted him so long and revisited him in his dreams.

And as the incident played out, its effects took part on his helpless soul, forcing him into submission. He had caved in. it was all so real, yet it seemed as a false truth, one that he knew he could never accept let alone live with for the remainder of his days. He got down on his knees, feeling weak, while his brain processed the sequence of events over and over again. The harsh realization that he was powerless " and more importantly useless in that scenario " then and now convinced him that there was little, if anything, he could have done to prevent this night from happening.

The flashback stopped. He was still gazing at the skies, still hoping for an answer. Nothing. He sat down in frustration, asking for direction, guidance or even clarity, but received nothing but the silent whispers of nature in return. “Where is my God now?” he shouted in disillusionment, in a feeble attempt to maybe awaken the divine entity from its slumber or perhaps simply in reprehension to the avid believers of the world. But little did he know that God operated in many ways, most of them mysterious and incomprehensible to the human mind, let alone to a stuttering man of ill-faith.

For humans, by pure nature, have never sought to understand what eluded them with a broader perspective. Rather, they have always chosen to parameterize it using numbers and equations, or approximate it by hypothesis and claims. They have never come to accept the mystical, the mythical or the divine. They would act humanly and ask, expecting to receive what they desire in bubble wrap at their doorsteps. A man asking God for patience often complains that his prayers are left unanswered, and consequently fails to see that he is given the opportunity to become patient. The path between the human mind and the sky is narrow, and it will not be too long before it vanishes completely.

He was no different from the other humans. He too, had asked and received nothing in return. He had wished the divine forces would guide him and give him a clear direction, but found himself instead gazing endlessly at the open blue sky. What he had failed to see, though, was that he was given an opportunity to revisit his past, turn the page and star anew.

Humans spend their entire lives searching for what they want, disregarding what they have along the way. But if they already have what they want, why go looking for a deceptive truth? Why set sights on intangible heights while all that they desire is within their reach? Life is but a cruel cycle, it is a double-edged sword " a bringer of fortunes and a baron of mishaps " and when it races down the open fields, and you watch down in the clearing, you are standing on the tip of the edge. And when it lingers at your doorsteps, and knocks on your door, on which tip will you be standing?