I

I never wanted to feel like this.

I never expected to hesitate with every single breath.

I never thought I would wake up wishing I hadn’t.

I never thought I would dream of death.

I never thought those dreams would feel so real.

I never knew that I’d feel so close to it.

I never thought that I’d actually want it.

I want to feel different.

There’s a need for change.

I feel it every day.

It’s time for things to change.

It’s still so out of reach.

I want to live

but I want to die as well.

There is no balance.

It’s a constant offset.

I don’t know what I want

And I don’t want what I have.

I want things to be different.

That’s all I know.