Irreperable

I saw you today by an off happenstance, and it all came flooding back. You knew it was me, yet you had to look 5 times before you ignored my stupid school girl wave. I have gained weight both physical and emotional, why would you ever want to touch me now. Now I'm back in the abyss I call bed, having lost all plans to ever leave, and just when my plants were starting to not die from lack of attention. I make matters worse by shutting the world out and watching promises on screens that I know will never come to reality. I finally had made plans to run away from all of this in motion, now I'm stuck in my tracks yet again. Your stupid f*****g crooked grin, your stupid f*****g pants that are too big, your stupid hair that falls in your eyes, your stupid irreparable stare... I bring nothing to table. I'm ashamed of how much my writing is about you, and even more ashamed of how much failed relationships are about you. Thanks for never loving me, and instead choosing to bank on a myth and gossip of the town. "He was my first love." Plain and simple, yet ever so hard to admit. You look skinnier and more pale, but I still long for your thoughts on my neck making my back arch into your hands. No one can handle my depression or my double chins. You so effortlessly sat at the table next to mine so you could confirm my voice with my face. Sorry it had to be me. Sorry I laughed too loud because I was so uncomfortable, you know me. Like always, you possess all that I lack. Your composure was the twist to the knife sadists like me beg for. Don't worry there is a morale to the story, just you wait. I am leaving this place so you don't have to start worrying like I do about running into each other at every cafe or show or bar. You can continue in your oblivion and making it out better than I have. You had that affect on me, take it with pride. Let it be your next story to tell, or poem you write, or better yet just a passing thought that you don't think twice about. That always seems to fit.