god cries

I lost my 13 y/o son to the choking game 2 years ago. What keeps me from hating God is my idea that maybe he's not all-powerful and that he too cried when it happened. I still can't write about it.

god cries

 

 

Where have you gone, oh morals of mine?

And where is all of that selfless thought?

The last few years and a few thousand tears,

have left me barely interested in being alive.

 

My altruism has fallen to shadow

and a schism has left me at odds with God...

I ripped out the pages and burned my bible last night.

 

I love and hate these dreams of mine,

both utterly detestable and utterly divine,

I see my son there and hear his voice

and he always makes me laugh even though I’m crying.

 

The celebrations end every morning,

When I open my eyes and remember the end...

And after all these years, I still wake up dying.

 

The only thought that keeps me from hating

This God above, that I’m supposed to love,

is that it wasn’t his idea to take my child.

But this swanky, brilliant all-powerful being,

 

won’t give me the words to describe how I’m feeling.

My eyes are cried dry and my soul is defiled and lost.

 

 

The Warrior Poet

11/18/2010

 

 

 

Reviews

[Poetic Beauty]

You have written a deeply touching and moving poem with the words that I posted for Creative Poetry group. The horror of loosing a child without you actually writing in detail about is loud and clear. It took my Aunt almost twenty years to forgive God and love him again after her son was born still born. I believe that God does cry when terrible things happen to children. I won't even try to begin to say I know what that amount of pain would be like for I don't and I hope I never do. I hope writing this has helped with some of the emotions. It is a great way to express your most inner thoughts and feelings. The flow of this poem is smooth and you held my attention till the end. This is a unique way to write about this tragic event and kudos for you for having the courage to do it. May you find peace someday.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Very powerful piece, but a lot of times the amuser we seek is deep inside. Thank you for sharing.
Excellent write.

[Art Sun]

Sad....the reality of life is at times the most unbearable creation..and yet life is given to us so we may find wisdom in the good and the bad...no one should have to bear the loss of a child and yet it is a repetitive reality...

my condolences...I hope you find peace and love

[LonelySoul]

no parent should have to loose a child so young,
leaving you empty feeling your world come undone,
I can't know your painful cost,
or understand everything you lost,
please try to see another angle,
Maybe God needed a Warrior Angel...?...LonelySoul

[Annie]

Powerful words and images in this poem. Really nice internal rhymes scattered sparsely throughout give it strength. These are difficult feelings and ideas that deserve voicing and you have done a good job with that. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Bubo]

So terribly painful to read, and such sorrow........that we can feel such rage with God, and I have been through this emotional feeling when loved ones have died many times, and I have learnt that it is not God, he has done nothing but given man choices, and some choices are not for our better selves, added risks of life, pollution, disease and a world of pain created by man.........I am so sorry you lost your son, I don't know the "game" that you speak of, but I can feel your hurt, and some things we never recover from, but we change in order to live with it.......

These words speak so much to me, because of their heavy truth.

When I open my eyes and remember the end...
And after all these years, I still wake up dying.

[Ruth]

This is an amazing piece of work love, for the loss of a child, I can only hazard a guess as to the emotions felt - I understand what it is to lose someone close, I also understand the feelings of rejection towards divinity through the process!
This is blisteringly emotional, moving, heart wrenching I would say!
Love to you sweetheart
xx

[Mark]

Good intensity, it didn't come off as contrived mostly because it comes out of something emotionally substantial. I found it relatable.

[scott007]

Very moving and emotional. I like this alot and I can't imagine the horror of losing a child. A wonderful piece of work here, thank you for the read :)

[Fran Marie]

a most beautiful and moving piece ....well written

[Cherrie Palmer]

The beauty of being loved and loving is that experience forever colors our soul and makes us more. This was a most beautiful and painful poem.