god cries

I lost my 13 y/o son to the choking game 2 years ago. What keeps me from hating God is my idea that maybe he's not all-powerful and that he too cried when it happened. I still can't write about it.

god cries

 

 

Where have you gone, oh morals of mine?

And where is all of that selfless thought?

The last few years and a few thousand tears,

have left me barely interested in being alive.

 

My altruism has fallen to shadow

and a schism has left me at odds with God...

I ripped out the pages and burned my bible last night.

 

I love and hate these dreams of mine,

both utterly detestable and utterly divine,

I see my son there and hear his voice

and he always makes me laugh even though I’m crying.

 

The celebrations end every morning,

When I open my eyes and remember the end...

And after all these years, I still wake up dying.

 

The only thought that keeps me from hating

This God above, that I’m supposed to love,

is that it wasn’t his idea to take my child.

But this swanky, brilliant all-powerful being,

 

won’t give me the words to describe how I’m feeling.

My eyes are cried dry and my soul is defiled and lost.

 

 

The Warrior Poet

11/18/2010

 

 

 

Reviews

[Poetic Beauty]

You have written a deeply touching and moving poem with the words that I posted for Creative Poetry group. The horror of loosing a child without you actually writing in detail about is loud and clear. It took my Aunt almost twenty years to forgive God and love him again after her son was born still born. I believe that God does cry when terrible things happen to children. I won't even try to begin to say I know what that amount of pain would be like for I don't and I hope I never do. I hope writing this has helped with some of the emotions. It is a great way to express your most inner thoughts and feelings. The flow of this poem is smooth and you held my attention till the end. This is a unique way to write about this tragic event and kudos for you for having the courage to do it. May you find peace someday.

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

First and foremost, I want to say that I am deeply moved by your poem. It is clear that you have poured your heart and soul into these words, and the raw emotion that you convey is both powerful and heart-wrenching. Your use of language is both beautiful and haunting, and I found myself drawn in by the depth and complexity of your thoughts and feelings.
Your exploration of the loss of your son is both heart-breaking and deeply relatable, and I admire your willingness to confront the difficult emotions that come with such a profound loss. Your descriptions of the schism between yourself and God, and the burning of your Bible, are particularly poignant, and I appreciate the honesty with which you approach these topics.
Overall, I believe that your poem is a powerful and deeply moving work of art. It is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, even in the face of overwhelming grief and loss. I hope that you continue to write and to explore the depths of your imagination, and that you find peace and healing in the words that you create.

[emmajoy]

To judge a poem about such a loss is impossible .. your words are wrapped around one of life's greatest tragedies. Maybe writing helps, but I doubt it .. maybe time will, I doubt it .. all I can do is send prayers and hope that He did and does weep for you and your terrible pain.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm sorry for your lost. My poor sister lost her nine year old girl last year to a viral infection in her stomach. Whole family was torn up. It seem nothing is safe after a lost of a child. A powerful poem. Anger must replace the sadness.
Coyote

[Alicante lullaby]

i'm rendered speechless...poignant write...very painful,i know it must have been for you to write this but you have thecourage and the words...i'm very sure if there is God,these words must have touched him too...

[TAO]

This one hurts, very much. I won't say I'm sorry, because that would sound...callous, I think. Needless to say, this is a touching and powerful write, and though you can't find the words, I think you've said it all here.

[Terry Collett]

I hope writing the poem helps in some way, but maybe it won't. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can not judge poem apart from the motive which brought it about except to say it makes its point well. By your late occupation who must have seen many tragedies, but none strike home like those we ourselves have. The poem makes me think and feel some of your plight and in that the poem can be judged as having been worthwhile.

[Ice QueenJen]

Such a tragic loss of life, but I do believe God cried when your son died. You have written what is in your heart and he hears your sorrow. Just remember that he is there when you need to lean on him for help.

thank Kristina for wanting me to read this.

[The Analog Kid]

Vey moving poem on the feelings you have/had. Remember God gives us "freewill." It is one of our natural rights. Sometimes he steps in and nudges us, sadly, other times he does not. Just my take on the subject. Who am I to judge your very real feelings of grief? Nicely captured.

[Bette]

some one sent me an rr for this,i almost passed it up. Thankfully i didnt. I want to say the same thing you have heard many times before. Im sorry, no one should ever have to deal with this, i know i couldnt,and i understand your anger. Hats off to you for getting this out