Zomg Babies

Cookie monsters, f**k the proverbial baked goods. Sexual Assault Response Coordinated. Dead babies?

   Kittens crawled into a dumpster behind a recently wrecked coffee shop.  Clawing around the trash playfully at anything unusual out of curiosity as a coffee mug tumbled out of the one of the bags, shiny, a little bigger than the kittens and saw it a nice place to make a home.  Tumbling through the mug, they landed in a place that was warm and spacious.  Through the wall, the kittens spotted something shiny and clawed at the spongy tissue surrounding the object.  Unbeknownst to the kittens, but it was the legendary Mrs. Fields Steel Rolling Pin (+3 to cookies, +2 to fat, 30% of D***o).  The kittens touched the object and instantly morphed into giant cookie monsters exploding out of their pink, spongy cocoon.  The cookie monsters, lead by their leader, Mr. Mestopholes, raided the streets they once roamed, wieldling Mrs. Fields Rolling Pin.  They came upon a chucky cheese and ran into an older woman who was apparently visiting a favorite place of hers at the children’s ball pit.  Upon encounter, she grabbed the steel rolling pin and pleasured herself against the ball pit.  The cookie monsters out of frenzy tackled her and they all fell into the pit, leading to a place of similar past resemblance, but smaller.  They all tumbled and were wedged deep inside the Brit’s a*****e, however due to the rotten flesh, the monsters and the older woman with the rolling pin still wedged, managed to squeeze their way out by lubricating it with the blood of babies.  The monsters and the woman stood there and wiped off the babies blood, but one drop touched the rolling pin which was touching the spoon and because of the ancient prophecy, the woman burst and imploded at the same time.  When the debris cleared, the cookie monsters stepped back, looking at the carnage they realized they had to make good on history, they brought the pin and the spoon back to chucky cheese to form a great weapon.  Not unlike the weapon Keanu made in Constantine, and would use it to hunt down the ancestors of those who created the pin and spoon so that not another vagina is burst and imploded by means other than Chuck Norris. 

   They headed out to seek the dark one, who had already had some experience with the spoon.  He was last known to be at a dark alley touching his own personal weapon slung low across his n*****s.  The binomial egg beater of brutal bludgeoning (+8 to boring, -2 intelligence, 20% WTF) “I see you have brought me spork (+5 to ingenuity, -3 to durability, +1 to dex), the time is near to dethrone SARC, the demon of kitchen utensils.  He is resistant to fire damage, but that’s okay because they will defeat him with the likes of sporks, spoons, and rolling pins.”  The dark one took the spoon-pin from the monsters and scratched his a*s because its supposed to be spork but hence is fucked up space-time continuum.  He blessed the weapon so that they might proceed by inserting it up one of the cookie monsters, however upon removal a polish person popped up, with him they acquired the skill of retreat and flameless fire. 

   The Pollack was quite energetic and flamboyant, “Let’s go fight some bad guys!”  The monsters decided they had one option.  They picked up a bag of cookie dough to make some delicious cookies.  “The demon can wait,” said the monster with the largest load, so they made their cookie colons and headed out to rape the demon because his greatest weakness were his tight virgin breasts.  They held the power of the spatula of satanic fury (+5 to chocolate chips, +3 to fire, -2 to happiness).  It was needed to make perfect cookies but had to be taken from sarc by following these steps exactly: First, one of the monsters would need to be sacrified, rolled out flat, and cut into shapes.  Then, he would need to spork fed to sarc to release the spatula.  TO do this, they needed to trick SARC.  They hired a skilled seductress whose codename was Tenticletia.  She met with SARC and worked her long, seducing tentacles across his cookie crumbled form.  Almost giving into her, when she opened and spread her  cookie flavored purse of p***y.  Tenticletia moved closer for the kill, however, SARC surprised her by withdrawing his spongy, enlarged cookie dough shaft.  He then ripped her in two with one fell thrust.  But her death was not in vain, as the cookie monsters used the distraction to retrieve the spatula and used it to carve his a*****e, but it was completely drawn in and devoured.  The monsters panicked, they lost their sacred weapon.   But one monsters braved himself, and like Men In Black, braved himself to dive deep inside of SARC’s a*****e.  It was a spongy chasm, he proceeded to jump towards the maze through the intestine and found Steven Segal naked with spork and spatula.  The monster summoned Jet Li from the one, to face off against Steven Segal while fighting off the man still in his a*s, trying to force him out.  The monster inside SARC heard from the Dark One, the only way to defeat Segal is to shove the spork up his a*s and strike the monster afterwards but Segal ready this time, had a wormhole summoned in his a*s and sucked up the spork and the cookie monster leading to a moist narrow vagina.  It was quite spongy, as they moved their way through it trying to retrieve the spork.  They surprisingly found the Dark One sitting upon the Egg beater, beating it. 

   When his giant load bust, the vagina instantaneously burst 10,000,000 babies, all with sporks.  “We are ready,” the Dark One said, whipping back his cloak to reveal his flesh, spongy and bruised, standing once more before the ever resourceful Segal.  Thinking quick, Segal chewed up a day after pill, mixed it with water in his cheeks, and he sprayed the babies.  He melted 10x10³ or 10k babies.  The remaining babies all mounted each others shoulders to form, Turkitron, and charged Segal.  The Dark One, at the front, fought uselessly like Morpheus in the second matrix.  The babies and Segal battled vigorously while the cookie monster approached Segal with spork and c**k in hand, ready to vigorously take Segal’s virginity.  As he lubed his weapon, ready for the first attack from the Turkitron, he thrust towards the spongy, gaping wormhole, but it was still active.  So the babies threw themselves into the wormhole filling it by sheer numbers.  The spork sunk deep and just like in Mary Poppin’s, an old woman entered the set from the sky, floating in with her umbrella-ella-ella.  The battle stood still as she floated to a stop on a pile of 10k dead babies.  She looked around and pulled out the dead baby spork she had stuck up her from the landing.  While distracted from the sight, the cookie monster took a dead baby and shoved it through Segal’s chest, but this just caused him to transform into a Steven Segal chucky doll that Mary Poppin’s found strangely cute and when going to give it a hug, the Segal-Chucky toy shoved his plastic dead baby arm through her already old and not-so-spongy a*s.  He withdrew the golden spoon of fate and froze in place from the bright and shiny glow.  It radiated icy blue light and as the light expanded, everything it touched turned into a shiny, and spongy twinkie and the Polack ate them and shoved them in his a*s. 

   All was well.