An outsider looking in

I'm ever so lonely you see,
Life has always been like this to me,
I used reminense on the things we'd do to make us giggle,
A childish nature and an imagination knowing no bounds,
But now I think with a clouded mind,
I see only Grey's and blue's always missing the silver line,
I think of humming alone,
learning to cry silently and watching my family be an entire new one without me,
These images had began to fade,
I've accepted I'm a lone solider,had been burying that secret deep as I got older,
but now the calls are shorter and the tears seem to flow longer,
The isolation is bolder and these thoughts only grow stronger,
I've accepted my secondary position, as I'm caused pain by those I love most,or maybe it's not love maybe it's longing for something I've not yet had or lack memory of having,
I wish my own value be doubled to help you love me and accept me as I am,
I've been crushed and silenced but I will remain in the shadow as I long for you to love me the same way,
Meanwhile I'll relieve an outsider looking in.