Let Me Explain

Thoughts of someone who committed suicide after the fact.

Sorry I died, but you don't know the pain I was going through... Sorry you misunderstood my purpose; my goal in mind. The last thing I wanted was to pass my pain to you. All I wanted was to relieve you of the burden and struggle it was to be with me. 

I hear the word "selfish" leave you lips, but you must understand my thoughts were that I was the burden and my death the medicine. No one told me that the world might one day have loved me, in fact I was pressured into believing the opposite. 

So I'm sorry I died. I hope one day you will never understand, because people may say that hell can be on earth, but I was living it everyday for years. I decided hope was just a distant fantasy told by those who would never understand the pain I was in. The closest thing I had to hope was removing myself from the equation. 

The ones I loved must have failed to inform me that there was a simpler solution. I planned an escape, but I took the wrong path. When I was planning my last breath, I should have been planning my first in a new land. 

You see, when you speak the word selfish talking about my last day, you are pushing someone else further into their hell on earth, though I pray they don't join me in my mistake. I beg you please, don't speak of what you do not understand. 

Reviews

[Zorro Tomoko]

This is a wonderful story, the subject matter is very serious, and I love it you did a good job of illustrating the inner struggles of someone with Depression, bad households, or other mental illnesses. I can see that you're writing is very passionate and i can feel a lot of emotion from this piece.

[Not Active]

Amazing piece. I read this and I can feel the emotions of the speaker. I love seeing work from this point of view. Well done.