Michael's Requiem

The setting: A room full of darkness where a man alone with his guitar suddenly starts to sing. When he's done he wonders if the ghost has heard his requiem. A song for my brother, M.S.W.- 05-03-1982 - 01-01-06 "Blackbird, Fly."

Time means nothing

I never wear a watch

But I'll admit just one thing

I know I don't know very much.

Save that yesterday's gone forever

Tomorrow could be called the past

Because life is but a feeling

that I know will never last.

 

But don't cry 

That's just life.

 

When my grey eyes go dull

When the force within me fades

When my pulse begins to lull

finally I'll leave this masquerade.

 

But don't cry

Please don't cry

That's just life.

 

Send the funeral mourners home

each with a bottle of champagne

Let them celebrate my life

Celebrate the end of all my pain...

 

But don't cry

Don't cry

Please don't cry...

That's just life.

Author's Note

For Michael.

Reviews

[Susan S.]

I'm not a fan of rhyming poetry, but this does well in spite of that. The break between stanzas is especially effective. I did notice, though, that in the first stanza you sacrifice meter for visual impact. It's in the line, "I know I don't know very much." The correct meter would be without the word, "very".

I didn't notice the progression on the "chorus" until the third reading. It might be visually more noticeable if you put those lines together. I can't say it would have more impact, mind you, but people would notice the progression better.

On the whole, this is a poem I would consider successful.
Susan

[Jane Doe]

What a sad but beautiful piece. I love the way you separated the stanzas, and the rhyming is great. I especially liked this stanza:

'Send the funeral mourners home

each with a bottle of champagne

Let them celebrate my life

Celebrate the end of all my pain...'

I like the idea of celebrating someone's life instead of just mourning their death. Of course there will be some grief, but I truly believe death is just a new beginning, not the End. Anyway, this is a truly wonderful piece and it's going into my favorites!

[Annalisa]

It's really hard to loose someone close... I've lost four people in the past few months and it's hard to remember that they would want more for you then misery... This expresses that very well in a soft and heartwarming way... Good work.