Sentimental Thief

A serenade for a corpse

I burned your photograph last night in the fireplace.

I watched the fingers of the flame curl around your face.

Inhaled the smoke and found it smelled so bittersweet

like all those funeral flowers you used to bring to me.

Knives in my eyes, I need to sleep.

Already counted all the sheep

I closed the blinds, got no relief.

I'm such a sentimental thief...

You threw the albums out, ones you said I could keep,

because they remind you of nights you drank and danced with me.

Your suitcases are full of clothes just waiting to go somewhere

But you look so peaceful there, slumped in your favorite chair.

Knives in my eyes, I need to sleep.

Already slaughtered all the sheep.

I slammed the door, got no relief.

I'm such a sentimental thief.

So will you hear me out? We have so much time now.

I'll tell you everything and we can laugh about

this little accident. 'Twas never meant to be.

I hope you wake up soon. I hope you never ever leave.

Knives in my eyes, I need to sleep.

But I can still hear your heart beat.

I listen closely; will it repeat?.

I'm such a sentimental thief.

Reviews

[Annebelle Ashire]

This write reminds me of Poe's poem "The Tell-Tale Heart"
especially at the very end here,

""Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!""

A smooth intriguing write.

I liked it very much, aside from it being just a tad disturbing,
but that is what makes any write so interesting isn't it? that thrill you don't exactly
want to expect.
That's also what I love about Poe's write - it gives me chills every time I read it,
I love every word.

Thanks for sharing.

~*AC*~

[[untitled]]

Frustration and all mixed emotions
piled into a wonderful piece.
"Knives in my eyes" just made me scream!
So cool.
Jack

[Robert Luna]

I really enjoyed this vivid piece of writing. You really painted a scene in my mind's eye with such a powerful clarity. I found this so interesting and a wonderful read. You have a definite flare and style here. I liked the eerie feel of uncertainty that was stingingly clear.


Great Job!!!!!!

[Emily B]

An extremely vivid portrait using such few words. These words do have a certain little air of Poe.

[Rain]

Brilliant. I hate to leave such a bizzare love poem for Cage Fighting, but it's on in five minutes. Great work. Rain..

[jen]

i bet this sounds lovely set to music.. it captures those moments of heartache and confusion right at the moment you cross the bridge to letting go of someone you love, possibly drives you nuts and it's for the best, but the desire to hold on still is there.. really well done

[Raef C. Boylan]

Wow. It's been a long time since I read anything with an AABBCC etc. rhyme scheme that was as good as this. Some great original phrases, and direct statements that give us an insight into this narrator's pain/discomfort/whatever it is he's feeling. The rhyming pattern gave it a very steady beat; the "knives in my eyes/slaughtered the sheep" part has a faster pace, which mirrors the chaos of his thoughts.
The contradictory emotions was very human.
I like this, except that it scares me because this scene could be minutes away from me at the moment, for all I know. She's not home yet. [I digress...]

Great poem.
Multi-talented, eh?

[Seriana]

What a great piece No One. Just enough of a biting edge to sink the teeth in and make it sting. Oh the moments we wish we could steal back. I like how you repeated the main stanza part, yet changed the meaning slightly in each. That was really neat. It was like you were evolving throughout, but never really, because of the "I'm such a sentimental thief" line. Great piece!

[Fairwells]

I liked that. It could be a song. You want to steal the moments you shared with her. Steal her if you could. Just loved it.

[Brandon]

Nice job man. Great piece.