Whispered words

dark, smoky room confession

Do you remember

Those cold nights last winter

When we shared our secrets

Like wood sharing splinters

Over cups of coffee

And lit cigarettes

That burned down

to our fingertips

saying promises we knew

we might never keep

It seemed like the rest

of the world was asleep.

And late night cab rides

When we had no money

So we stopped round the block

And just started running.

Remember standing on rooftops

And screaming at traffic?

You'd finish my sentence

Like you're telepathic

We'd argue whether

Or Not we could fly

And agreed that it might

be orgasmic to die

We named all the stars

You said you didn't care

Whether or not God was

Really up there

You screamed at the sky

For an electric answer

And swayed in the wind

With the grace of a dancer

We pretended that nights

Like those never end

But as quick as they appeared

They disappeared again.

If you never, ever, ever see my face again

Just remember last December and how I looked back then.

Reviews

[Emily B]

The splinters/secrets analogy didn't do anything for me. I'm wondering if it could be tied in with the cigarettes burning down to our fingertips a little more concretely.

You'd finish my sentence like [you were] telepathic?

We'd argued/agreed

The punctuation is problematic for me. The spaces don't seem to always fall where they should.

Take my suggestions with a grain of salt. I know very little.

[Nicholas Hallows]

I really enjoyed this write.
It has a powerful feeling of the past and as I read it a little movie played in my head.
Those days you talk about really drew me in and I felt I wanted to live them.
I lost my place a couple of times, but usually do when poems aren't written in stanzas. I'm sure you have your reasons.
Very nice!

[emz]

I love this poem, i can relate to many aspects of it, especially the running away from the cab haha we done that many times in our youth... it was so lovely the image you created of long ago friendships that at the time are the most important things in our lives. Unfortuately we grow up and grow apart and sometimes those friendships get lost, if we are lucky we keep them forever, as i have with my best friend.. we are now 37 and have been best friends since we were 12... we have all those memories you portrayed in your lovely poem... thanks

x

[The Outlaws' Song]

I'd agree with Emily Burns about the punctuation but all in all your poem is very sweet and flows tenderly.
I love the way you matched the rhymes...they really go well!!! I loved the end:)

This is a good piece. I shall save it in my library:)

Many kudos

[bluessadmood]

i have never read anything like this so easy flowing ,full of life ,remembering life ,the good times ,yes life sometimes is worth to remember,i hear you do not like flattery ,i do not flatter anyone ,and i say this is very good

[Celtic Cat]

wooooooooaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Utterly deep, moving, voyeuristic, carefree, wonderful ecstatic memories. Thanks a million for sharing them with us. We should all recall good times like these; it reminds me that life isn't all bad. Wonderful piece.

oh wait.....do you not like flattery? Hell, it's not anyway, it's just pure truth. Accept it freely, friend. : )

[Jessi]

Asome write, I fell in love with this poem. Its wonderfully written, and so well put together

[Rambling Prose]

I enjoyed the progression of this write, it flowed very nicely. My mind's eye was easily led and it was as though I was there.

I am sending a not with a suggestion.

Nicely penned...

[Rain]

Wow,
What a piece of s**t! Please, don't be one of these writers who have reached a point where flattery is mundane. It reveals a tint of arrogance...a god awful trait. I liked this piece. I don't even have to explain why. I love Tom Waits and Dylan, but I many times have no clue what their thinking. Many times I'm sure they don't either. Look, I'm not educated enough to pick you apart and make you a better writer..that job belongs to others. I liked this piece simply because I like it. Sorry if that's shallow ,or demeaning in some way. Rain..

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Well put - sounds like a true romance if only for a moment. Expressed divinely so. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha