Upon a Star: Karyana's Journey: Prologue, part 1

The prologue is currently split in four sections. The first one gives a general idea of Medierth's beliefs and mythos, and introduces the different Planars - the equivalent of deities in this story.

Prologue

A common belief among practitioners of magic is that the universe is but one of many; that one world can be mirrored to infinite different dimensions, where time, space and people are the same, yet infinitely different in simple ways. In these myriads of planes of existence, billions of lives begin and end every moment, creating a cycle of infinite life, death and rebirth. Another common belief is that Gods are simply manifestations of the different aspects of the world, of time and of people. Hence these deities are ever-changing, never locked in a single form, yet whimsically choosing that which pleases them most. Some people also believe that such deities rule all of creation, while others see them merely as puppet masters to which people are unknowing pawns in an endless story. Yet, even as some people fear or revere these gods, such aspects have been created and revered by mortals who, in their incomprehension of the world, tried to give name and form to what they could not grasp.

In the world of Demierth, such unfathomable beings are called Planars. Beings that are not linked to a single plane of existence, but who dwell in all dimensions, receiving praise and fear, prayers and songs, for their actions, choices and, in some cases, merely for existence. In the planar world of Demierth, such Planars have grown accustomed to the praise of mortals, and thus have created, at the top of Skyreach - the highest tower of the world-plane - their own domain.

It is said that for every culture, there is a pantheon, and every mortal has their own idea of what one deity would physically manifest as. It has become known that the ruler-ship of the Gods, called by mortals as the Divine Council, is merely a gathering place for these Deities to take the forms they fancy, and speak as equals, leaving plane-worldly matters behind.

On the nineteenth day of Comingfrost - the moon cycle before the beginning of winter -, the Divine Council met. However, this was no ordinary meeting. While most of the gatherings were for idle chat and celebrations, the time of this Council was of the utmost importance.

Seated at an immense circular table of the finest marble and stone - to which a mortal would walk its rim for a day and night before returning to its starting position -, the Divine Council grew loud and impatient. Every Planar was speaking over the other, trying to get their own word across. Scores of deities of different forms - some human, some beast, others somewhere in between - were endlessly arguing in their own tongues, which would make any common mortal mad if he ever tried to grasp but one word of a Planar's true voice.

While shade-beings and aetherfolk catered to the tables, bringing mead and food that mere mortal would never see of their own lives, many a Planar bickered with one another... except for the one whom the scorn was directed to. In the middle of the hollow circle, kneeling against the stone-hard ground, was the one to which the Council was summoned upon. If mortal eyes could see beyond mortal sight, they would lay eyes upon what seemed like a young beauty in the flower of age, with skin as white as alabaster, hair as silver as the stars in the twilight, and eyes of blue that would make the dawn and dusk pale in comparison. Yet, even as this pale beauty was source of awe and splendor for mortals, whom drew portraits and carved statues in her name, the Planars seemed to turn their eyes from her, as if stealing her very presence by ignoring her plea, even as she bowed her hand against the ground, arms before her. Though wearing a silver-grey garb that made milky skin look even paler, the ebony-black shackles that tied her wrists and feet together, and strung themselves around her neck like a metal noose, were ample signs of her ill predicament.

"This is an outrage!" shouted one Planar, whose form represented a myriad of roots, thorns and branches entwined in a semi-human form, its skin like bark, while yew leaves formed its beard. "Do you even know what you have done?"

"Eligius should strip you of your existence!" came a snarling shout, coming from a being whose body resembled that of a powerful hunter, yet whose head was that of a saber cat. Half-clad in armor, claws where hands ended, the hunter-Planar pointed to his own throat, sliding one claw down as if threatening to gut her open.

Though all Planars had seats representing their essence and governance, the grandest one was given to not the eldest Planar. Rather, the rest of the mightiest of Planar was given to a child, clad in a simple tunic, wearing a simple crown of what the mortals would call mythril. To mortals, such a crown would be a most kingly gift and would be worth cities; for a Planar, it was little more than brass.

"Enough!" came the child's voice in a moment of anger. To mortals, the sight of such a child would seem jest. The Planars could see beyond the voice and body of a child to the very essence of even their own creation: the essence only known as Progeny. The belief among Planars is that before creation, Progeny was the all-spirit that created the first dimension, and from this primordial world-plane came the Planars, to which he, in his unbound generosity, gave but a parsel of his essence to create all forms that exist in the multiverse.

At the child's outburst, all Planars at the table grew quiet, and the servant beings backed away into the shadows of which they were made of. "Asuna, Planar of the Moon and Stars, daughter of the Sky, you have been summoned on this day due to your interaction with a mortal being. Do you know what fate lies before you?" Progeny asked, though the question was less one and more of an accusation.

The pale-skinned Planar rose her head, but only to tilt it back down. "Yes, my Liege...", she said, resigned to what fate Progeny had for her. "I will accept whatever punishment you deem worthy upon me."

The golden haired boy looked to his right to a tall man clad in armor that even the greatest mortal metal-smith would be able to create in a complete lifetime. The knight rose and pulled out a scroll, to which he read, as if announcing a condemnation. "Let us all hear the accusations. Over the past season, you have spoken, and even appeared in your primordial form, to the mortal known as Medai. Taking such form, you have directly broken the Code in which all Planars must not interfere directly with human lives. Do you understand?"

Before the pale-skinned Planar could speak, another one, garbed in a scholar's robes, yet with a craftsman's belt and hammer attached to his waist, rose. "Perhaps it would be best if she defended herself, Raemu." he called back to the armored Planar.

"Scyens is right." Progeny spoke. "This is a Council, not an executioner's gallows."

With a wave of the all-Planar's delicate hand, Asuna's shackles dissapeared, yet she remained on her knees, looking away from the score of Planars who waited for her word.

Taking a moment to breath in, the alabaster-skinned Planar spoke, sadness in her voice. "Divine Council... I know that the Code prohibits Planars from interacting directly with one mortal... but I must confess... Though my very existence belongs to the Council, my heart-"

Before she could finish, a towering Planar, with skin as dark as obsidian and eyes like brimstone, rose from his chair and slammed his fists against the table. Had it been nothing less than matter created by Progeny himself, it would have shattered. To mortal beings, the mere sight of this immense form, cloaked in threads of darkness and wielding such dreadful strength, would shatter any one man's resolve and make him cower on all fours like an insect facing the foot of a man.

"This is absolute heresy!" the immense Planar bellowed. "A human to capture the heart of a Planar? That is beyond pardon!"

Denmu rose from his chair. "Stand down, Xelnos! It was your word that brought her to this state, so punishment will be made due!"

Xelnos sat down, and folded his arms. "She should be stripped of her role in this world-plane... and that mortal suffer ten thousand deaths!" he added sadistically.

Progeny looked back at Xelnos, showing great calm to the almost demon-like Planar. "He already does so. Have you forgotten that Medai is simply the human reincarnation of Reveen, the Planar who once controlled what mortals refer to as 'Magic'?"

Xelnos couldn't forget that name, for it was he who first learned that Reveen had taught the first mortal mage how to wield the pure essence in which creation was made. It was he who accused Reveen of plotting with the mortals to overthrow the Planars. It was he who saw that Reveen would be locked in a mortal coil and experience death and rebirth endlessly.

Progeny sat back down. "As Reveen, though he is still punished, is still revered by mortals as a Planar... Panyus." he spoke, before a frail, elderly woman rose from her chair, a cloth covering her eyes, while a cloak covered the rest of her body.

The woman placed her right hand on the table, and pointed her open palm towards the accused Planar. "The weaves of fate have tied these two beings together, yet such cannot be in mortal coil. There is a crimson thread between the one once called Reveen and this Planar."

Another woman rose, but this one was younger than the All-Seer. "A crimson thread... so these two have... as mortals would say... "fallen in love". I see nothing wrong with such a thing. In fact, should such a child be possible between such union..."

Xelnos unfolded his arms and rose. "A child of such union would have the power to overthrow Planars! Would you be so unseeing that you would allow such a fate, Prolectae?"

The Planar of Love and Beauty placed her arms under her heaving chest, glancing back at the obsidian-clad Planar. "Know this, Xelnos, that I have heard Reveen's wish..."

"Then, why not tell the Council?" Scyens spoke before cleaning his glasses with a strand of his beard, putting them back after making sure no speck of dirt was in the glass. "Surely a common decision would be best than an unilateral action."

Prolectae looked at Asuna. "Reveen was not wanting Asuna as his betrothed, but did ask for our blessing to which he could stop facing his punishment alone. In simple words..."

"...he is alone." the lunar Planar answered. "Ever since the death of the one Medai called his father, Reveen has been pleading me for my blessing, so that he could find one chosen by the Council to betroth."

Progeny looked at her with deep thought. Moments passed before he rose from his chair. "Asuna, his wish will be answered."

While most Planars were shocked by the decision, the all-Creator continued. "However, for such a wish to take place, you must cease all interactions directly with Reveen."

The young boy's response created applause by some, but to Asuna, it felt worse than having her existence removed from her. "Please, my lord! I beg you..." she spoke, crystalline tears streaming down her alabaster cheeks. "Don't do this... I cannot part from him!"

These few words, shouted whole-kindheartedly, resonated through the Council and silenced all other Planars. "You truly love him..." Prolectae said, making a motherly smile. The silvery-haired young woman simply nodded, as she cried wordlessly.

Scyens rose from his chair. "Of my knowledge, many view magic linked to the night and the stars. Perhaps... a different approach should be permitted."

Xelnos looked at Scyens. "Enough pleasantry with you!" he scowled. "This matter has already been decided!"

Progeny rose from his chair, and looked at Scyens before nodding. The scholarly Planar spoke in an analytical tone, stopping every once and a while to turn the page to a grimoire he bore with him. "Perhaps the one who is worthy of Reveen should be decided by the all-Creator himself. As he has spent eternity living among mortals, perhaps a Planar-touched mortal... or a mortal created by our Liege... It is known that he has created such beings that mimic so much human form and mind in the past with the knowledge of Mana... I suggest that Reveen continue his humbling punishment until the chosen reaches him. Then, should he prove himself worthy of redemption, his punishment will come to end."

Before Xelnos, who seemed infuriated with the idea spoke, Remdu rose. "By majority vote. All against Scyens' suggestion." Xelnos quickly rose his fist, followed by a few other hands and claws among the crowd.

"All in favor." Scyens, Prolectae, Raemu and Asuna rose theirs. As if waiting for the right moment, other lesser Planars rose their hands - some due to their allegiance to the four, others out of interest or amusement. However, when Panyus rose her shrivelled hand, many voices started murmuring... until Progeny's hand rose.

"Let it be said..." the child-like Planar spoke, "...that by my command, Reveen's punishment will end on the day that Reveen's "creation and destined" will be wed under the blessing of the dawn, his punishment will cease. Until then, no Planar must approach Reveen unless I allow it!"

Xelnos sneered for a moment, closed his eyes... then made a macabre smile.

Author's Note

I am looking for constructive criticism. Anything that looks wrong, please let me know so I can fix it ASAP.

Reviews

[Benitoo]

Really cool! I like your description of Planars, their comparisons to humans, and I especially like the anecdote about Reveen - how he shared magic or Pure Essence with a mortal and how he was punished to live and die and reincarnate in mortal coil
Good introduction, well written, stuff about universes always hooks me and you present it in a creative way
Comments on specific parts:
Some people also belief that such deities rule all of creation -- 'belief' should be 'believe'
tried to give name and form to what they cannot grasp. -- since you are speaking in past tense (tried), it's more natural to say 'could not' instead of 'cannot'. 'cannot' makes sense, but due to the change in tense will have the added meaning that this is something mortals can never grasp
for their actions, choices and, in some times, merely for existence -- 'in some times' is awkward; use 'in some cases/instances' or 'at times' instead
such Planars have grown accustomed to the becks and calls of the mortals, and thus have created, at the top World's Hand -- Nietzsche discusses humans seeking fame among mortals as a very peculiar idea
is merely a gathering place for these Deities to take the forms they fancy, and speak as equals, leaving plane-worldly matters behind. -- nice, good insight into the business of Planars
to which a mortal would walk its rim for a day and night before returning to its starting position -- nice description
though the question none of that and more of an accusation. -- i cant understand this, consider rewriting it more clearly
I will accept whichever punishment you deem worthy upon me. -- 'whichever' suggests the punishment comes from a list (maybe it does?), I would use 'whatever' instead, if you just want to mean she will accept any punishment
resigned to what fate Proheny had for her. -- 'Progeny'
Had it been nothing less than matter created by Progeny himself, would have shattered. -- 'it would have shattered'
... and that mortal suffer ten thousand deaths!" he added scornfully. -- i would describe this 'he added sadistically'
Scyens spoke before cleaning his glasses with a strand of his beard -- the first time you called him Scyans
so that he could find one chosen by the Council to bethrove." -- 'betroth' is the word you're looking for, took me a while to find it too xD

Overall, good work! But you have a lot of room for improvement. The setting is really cool and there's a good amount of tension and plot foreshadowing. You should edit your work more, you have several small but salient mistakes, and reading through your work with perfecting it in mind will also help you sharpen and embellish your descriptions, as well as help you keep a close eye on your characters and plot. Looking forward to seeing the plot unfold and more detailed character development.

[Sebastien B.]

Thank you so much for the comment and corrections. I had a friend correct some of my past issues, but I guess there are still quite a few more to check. That's the reason why I came here: to find new readers and tell me what I'm doing wrong and fix it.

I wish I could re-read my works, but my workload is keeping me busy, and I'm grasping at straws to find some idea for the next chapter in the third tome. I won't go into too much detail, but my job is blocking out my inspiration...