I'm Going To Kill Myself

Often when it's overdue

the devil seeks right on through

and takes my wrists in both his hands

throws me, on my feet I land

 

he says the next time I don't hurt

He'll stab me and leave me in the dirt

and then he takes my scarred arm

through it kills, he knows how to charm

 

"All your family, friends, and you are up so high,"

He says, "But soon you'll learn what its like to die."

He gives me a razor, a needle and thread

says to cut, then sew back up again

 

So I take the razor and touch it to my skin

but his palm presses it down and the gash is long and thin

I cry out in sweet agony, not wanting any more

but soon I find myself dreaming, and lying on the floor

Author's Note

Probably the darkest thing I've ever written :P
What do you think? Is this a good direction for me to head in?

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

when i first started writing poetry back in the dark ages, it was dark and brooding, much like this. my writing evolved with my life and though some of my poems are still dark, they are tempered with some humor and irony. so i'm not going to worry about you personally or as a writer. some day you will be a little blue haired old lady, writing a whole variety of stuff.
anyway, as to the poem itself. i like that you make the effort to actually use style and rhyme. the rhythm is a little questionable most of the time and if there is one piece of advice i would give you is to work on the rhythm and flow a bit more. other than that, good work.

[A. V. Madison]

Thank you very much for your help.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Very chilling, not a good direction for anyone to go in. I wish teens live in such desperation. If they could somehow look a few years into the future, they would see that life isn't as bleak as they think.

[Legolas]

Such a raw talent poem. I can relate with this, being suicidal myself. You understand the emotion and sadness and the need some people have to die. Makes me wonder if this is from personal experience...

[Crazy Cat Man]

Damn this is brutal and hard to read. I'm glad that I read in the reviews that u don't do this to yourself and its just a poem. My advice is to keep going in the direction that u feel like going to in the moment. Go with the flow in ur mind. Eventually u will go in a different direction when u feel right about. If u have dark stuff to write about then write it :) let it all out. I've written dark stuff too. Then I feel carthartic and move on :D great piece

[A. V. Madison]

Wow thanks for the extensive review. It means a lot. It certainly is a stress reliever, writing dark poetry.

[Whiskurz]

Yes dark indeed but Great word choices for your age.....maybe and old soul......Well penned......Whisk

[Shauna Jacqueline Ander..]

I'm wondering if your still eleven? Not because your work is lets say 'socially disturbing' for someone of that age [we all know it doesnt matter] but because, if you are eleven then you have an amazing gift. You have a gift regardless, and this is, so far, one of my favourites.

[A. V. Madison]

Yes, I assure you, I'm eleven. But age is just a number and I feel I'm much more mature for my age.
And socially disturbing?!?! Hahaha. I mean, I know it's dark, but... gosh. Hahaha I love your comments, Shauna.

[Shauna Jacqueline Anderson]

I assure you age IS just a number, I started writing at around 8 or 9...On a totally serious note then, focus on your english classes and I strongly believe theres a chance of you being published some day.

[A. V. Madison]

Yeah, I graduated the sixth grade with flying colors this year, and since my English teacher fron sixth is moving up with us to seventh grade (and she is a wonderful English professor) I think I have that part easy. But thanks anyways, Shauna, for believing in me. It truly means a lot.

[Keith]

This is very dark indeed. The heaviness of it sat upon my mind like a soaking wet towel over my head.

I am impressed by your use of words. You seem to have a keen sense of flow which many older people (me) struggle with.

In answer of your question in pursuing this direction. No, dark writing is good for shaking an audience up from time to time. However, it grows tiresome and depressing in short order.
Even I like writing dark tales. They stir the pot of my creativity and serve as an outlet for emotions I'd rather not bottle up. My ratio of light writing to dark is 5 to 1. It works for me.

I look forward to reading your other works.


Again, well done.

[Marie]

Why would you possibly think this is a good direction to go? The last thing this site needs is more dark poetry. THough this is pretty good, as the form goes.

[A. V. Madison]

Hurtful... lol just kidding. Maybe there's not a lot of good in my life to write about, hmm?

[Marie]

Try to find what good you can...there are certainly better things than cutting and death...

[A. V. Madison]

Marie, I promise you that I don't self-harm. It's just a poem, do not take it so literally hahaha. I meant that there's a lot of peculiar things happening in my life right now and I needed to vent it all out. Fear not, Marie, I'm fine :)

[Marie]

I believe you, and I hope for your continued wellness...