How Things Are Going

People always ask me how I am. Well, here's how I am.

I've got another year 

until high school, 

so I guess that makes me 

a big kid now

but when I was younger

I thought it'd be fun and games

laughing and dreaming

but that's not how it goes

My great grandmother's

her deathbed. 

She's got about a year. 

My sister's growing up too fast, 

I remember when she 

was a baby. 

My best friend has sliced up wrists.

I remember when they were smooth,

But I don't love her any less. 

I've been in love with a boy for a year, 

and it still hasn't gone anywhere. 

This isn't how things are supposed

to go.

Where is the fairytale I was promised?

I'm lying to my parents,

lying to myself. 

This is what being a big kid entails?

This is the way things are going. 

I've written and rewritten

plenty of suicide letters. 

I've got them stuffed up 

in my desk. 

It hurts the most that they're

finished now.

This is how things are going to go?

I'm a twelve year old girl 

with cut up arms and ankles, 

who matured far too quickly.

Who hardly eats, because even 

a sandwich makes her feel fat. 

Ridicules herself in the mirror 

each day. 

Has to deal with feeling unwanted, 

because the boy doesn't notice

how she loves him.

This is how it's going. 

I have to rely on the fact that 

tomorrow is a new day, 

but who says it won't be as bad

as this one? 

Because this is how things are going. 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[beautiful dreamer]

wow maddie! very honest i like that

[Wolfwind]

I feel for this piece in my own ways. I'll say this about one aspect that you paint with your words...
Boys are simple but stupid... You gotta hit them on the head and be blunt, or they just don't catch a clue. If they walk away... then they weren't the right match. They won't grow out of that cluelessness stage until their are past 25 or more, unless a female trains them to be perceptive.

Thanks for sharing a piece of you. =)
Aaron - Wolfwind

[mess of gorgeous chaos]

"when I was younger
I thought it'd be fun and games
laughing and dreaming
but that's not how it goes"

Awesome job. I can connect to a lot of this.

[A. V. Madison]

Thank you :)

[mess of gorgeous chaos]

of course!

[screw this.]

:l I still think you should tell him but I know you don't want to r48eiodjsxlzkm98efiosdjclxk

[Admiral Kirk]

Aw... I know how all that feels. :l

[Sami Khalil]

"Ridicules herself in the mirror

each day.

Has to deal with feeling unwanted,

because the boy doesn't notice

how she loves him.

This is how it's going.




I have to rely on the fact that

tomorrow is a new day,"
A very good read and write...:)