Walls

Written from the perspective of someone that has been placed in an asylum.

When will they allow me to leave?

when will I get back my things?

Crisp-cut soft white walls

voices with tender sly drawls

 

I sometimes see what's not there

I hear noises coming from everywhere

I hear dew drops stain roses

I hear the scream of a door as it closes

locking within this so-called protection

creating some artificial depression

 

when night rolls around they turn out the lights

my god, that's when the room's filled with frights

The banging of chains against walls fill my ears

remnants of a childhood that create all these fears

 

But then daylight returns it's hopeful silence

But God I still remember all of that violence

It makes me think about what wanders these halls

It makes me absently stare at the walls

Author's Note

Written from the perspective of someone that has been placed in an asylum.

Reviews

[Alex Crow]

Deep+depressing+fear= COOL!

[Victorious]

Dear M.V. Ausdall,

This line appears forced in there even though I understand you are portraying the picture of insanity, "I hear dew drops stain roses." I have to reread this line over, "creating some artificial depression." Do you believe that the depression or the reason you were there was real, is that why you used the word "artificial?" Were you trying to convey the doubt of having being placed there in the first place? I can relate to this and that's exactly how I felt too, like I'm not sick, get me out.

It is a surreal experience, when you hear the earsplitting screams and crying, so I really love the first stanza because of how the setting, tone, and idea was laid out. It is straightforward. I am thinking the disorganization is the intended style of this piece? If so, it gets the idea across, but I think it can be worked on in all honesty. I just feel you could make it flow and still get the point across of confined insanity. For example this line, "The banging of chains against walls fill my ears," can be revised to say, "The banging of chains echoed against the walls like a wailing ghost."

SIncerely Victorious

God bless

[CHRIS ANDES]

well, I guess this is reality
...the hurtful one
I enjoyed reading it
=]

[dan nacario]

i feel the sadness within the speaker in this poem.. along this sadness comes his own reality haunting him..great write

[Jordan's Back]

Very nice, Deep write

[Baby Ricochet]

I've never been in an asylum but there's still time and now that I read this poem I know what to expect so I'm ready to go. Thank you

[kublakhan27]

This is pretty powerful...well done^^

[Coyote Poetry]

Would be a terrible place to be. No freedom and being controlled. Good description allow me to feel the struggle and desire to escape. No weakness in the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Tai Ryens]

I'm afraid, while you capture the feeling well, that someone who's actually been in an asylum would have differing thoughts on this. Not all, just some. *Cough-hint-cough*
Well, lovely poem. Well done.

[Muhammad Ibraheem]

it is telling that nothing is permanent
with the end of the sadness there is happiness and it is vice verse
Good theme of the poem :)