The Uncelebrated Birthday

A poem about my late father...

Happy birthday to you 
Happy birthday to you 
Happy birthday dear dad...
Happy birthday to you

Dear dad, 
Your birthday is August thirty first 

It's a day where I will always remember you 
Though most days I find myself thinking 
Of you and of all the great moments we had
Together

I remember 
When we would climb lighthouses
And go geo-caching 

When we walked along the beach 
And you taught me how to skip a stone 
Across the ocean 

Going to the movies 
Playing video games
And you helping me with 
My homework 

My fondest memory 
Is when, once Christmas day 
You had surprised my with Avril Lavigne's newest album 

There are memories that I wish I could 
Just forget
But it's like someone super glued them to my mind 

The visits to the hospital
Those days when you weren't yourself when you were put through
Chemo 

I remember your funeral 
And that I didn't cry 

But the last day that I saw you
Alive
Is and forever will be 
That one memory

That one memory
That whenever it pops into my mind
I find myself crying
Harder and harder each time.

I remember it like it was 
Yesterday 

Mom was trying to get tickets to 
The Little Mermaid on Broadway 
She thought it would make me feel better
The tickets were too expensive 
And the seats weren't so good 

But any seat 
Would've been better
Then the one I was already in

'Do you want to go back
And say goodbye?' 

I shook my head 'no'
I knew that when we get into the ICU 
I would have to wear a surgical mask
My mom was concerned about my health 
What with me having a heart condition
And all

I just wanted to 
C U 

I was being 
Selfish 

I didn't say goodbye
And now 
You're dead

I killed you...

That's what I thought
For a long time 

What if 
I had gone back and said
Goodbye?

Would you still be
Alive?

What if?
What if?
WHAT IF!?

And now

Your birthday is 
The uncelebrated birthday 

There are no candles being blown out 
No wishes being made
No cake
And
No gift giving

Just memories returning 
And tears
Staining my pillow case 
Which paints my sadness

There are many things I want to ask you...
Many things
I hoped we could've done
Together...

Happy birthday, dad!
I love you...

Author's Note

Let me what you think :)