Tweet, tweet

Lena made a big mistake letting Harriet go. If only she'd ... but what was the use of even thinking about it? It was too late now...or was it?

Would that damn bird never shut up?

 

Lena gritted her teeth and focused savagely on the computer screen. If she didn't get this CV finished now, it would be put off until tomorrow, next week, a couple of weeks - might as well just sign up to be a career beneficiary.

 

"Tweet, tweet," taunted the bird in the tree by the window. 

 

Harriet had loved birds; she even put out daily bread for them.  That annoyed neat freak Lena, she imagined every fat rat inthe neighbourhood running to gobble up the bread crumbs left behind. "We'll have a plague, thanks to you," she complained.

 

Now she'd give anything to have Harriet pottering about with messy bits of bread on the lawn.

 

Six months since she'd last seen her car even. She probably didn't live locally anymore.  Lena pushed away the feeling inside her that threatened to well up, she knew what would happen if she didn't.  The newspaper might have arrived by now, that would give her something to read, a distraction.

 

Outside the bird was still trying to get her attention but she ignored it.  Bending down to peer into the letter box, a vehicle turning into the street caught her eye.  She straightened up and stared.  A battered red car was coming along the road. It couldn't be...

Reviews

[Joseph LaBarge]

I appreciate the direct nature of the story. It is practically universal. Most people have a person in there lives that they miss (even /especially if that person is not good for them). I also like the way you decided to end it with a "...". Over all good work.

[Black Cat Fever]

A very frustrating moment in Lena's life but then...the possibility of something positive? A really nice piece of story telling.

[Chris]

A pretty good story. The first line brings us into the story in a humorous way, giving us a laugh before we read about what had gotten Lena down. The ending is fair. We know what happens following the ellipsis (the "..."), more or less, so there was just enough closure to bring an adequately satisfying ending. I'm not usually a fan of ending things with ellipses, but it works in this instance.

My only suggestion is to give us more background, if you were to come back and revise this sometime. We get a glimpse of the two characters, but I want to see more about them. I also want to know why Harriet left. That's where the conflict lies, so I want to know about it. Did she leave because there were better things awaiting her elsewhere? Did she leave because Lena drove her out of the house? The latter sounds like the case, but it could be a number of things. Also, giving us a scene to show us what happened before Harriet's departure may make the conflict stronger, and it will make the ending better, especially if Lena regrets Harriet leaving. Because, with that knowledge, we should have a better understanding of what follows the ellipsis--that Lena is going to apologize, if she was indeed the cause of Harriet's leaving.

But yeah. Good work overall. :)

[WriterMe]

Again, this felt like an introduction to another piece. A good thought provoking start which naturally will leave the reading wanting more.

[BlueEyes]

Simple and sweet and leaves so much to the imagination! I really enjoyed it!