A Rainbow World

When the world around is against you, imagine the opposite.

A Rainbow World

 

The persistent drizzle just reinforced the message.  You are doomed, you are destined to eternal depression if you want to live this life of debauchery. 

 

My shoulders were slumped so low they nearly reached my knees.  This was no way to live.

 

I reluctantly dragged my feet in a homewards direction.  There I knew my parents would be waiting to have another go at me, yelling and pleading, crying and threatening. We’d been living in Hell for the past two weeks, ever since I was stupid enough to come out to them.  Stupid, stupid me.  Should have just left them in blissful ignorance and gone about my life without them knowing, but some shred of family loyalty got in the way of my better judgment. 

 

We can help you work through this, my mother told me.  Thanks a million.  Like when I broke my leg playing soccer, she thinks. 

 

I slowly crossed the street before turning down our avenue.   As I rounded the corner, a young guy coming from the other direction passed me.  My heart did a flip flop as I caught his eye, he was so hot. 

 

He ignored me and passed by, most likely dead straight.  But something lifted my spirits " perhaps the rainbow that was now hovering overhead, and I thought, wouldn’t it be amazing to live in a world that was all gay?  Where the heterosexuals stuck out like freaks? 

 

The thought amused me and a nervous grin consumed my face as I resolutely marched homewards.  I’d pretend that everyone around me was gay, yes, even our sour neighbour who was checking her letterbox and pretending not to notice me.

 

“Good evening, Mrs Denbigh!” I said merrily as I threw open the gate. 

Reviews

[Chris]

A good start. The conflict here is clear and there is a resolution. I liked the opening paragraph for the most part--it really caught my attention--but, at the same time, it did kind of throw me off a little because of the use of "you." At first I thought this was going to be told in second person. Maybe you could change the period after "message" to a colon and surround the next line in quotation marks? Otherwise, it's a strong opening paragraph.

Once again, if you were to revise this story, maybe you could give us more scene? We get to see what the conflict is, but we're left in the dark so much because we don't know the specifics of what happened. I want to know what those specifics are. How did his parents react when he came out? How have they been acting towards him over the past two weeks? How has he been coping? And no, I don't want the narrator to tell us; I want to see a scene of this stuff happening. If you do this, it'll make the story feel complete, and the reader will have a chance to get to know this character and sympathize with him before he finds a way to lift his spirits.

Hope this helps. :)

I thought this was an amazing story. It showed exactly how some people react to certain situations. Also, it shows how the character dealed with it and was able to put a smile on their face. I loved the story and keep up the good work.

[HiddenFantasies]

I agree with Chris, on the first paragraph or first two lines, however you want it put. I think there needs to be a way to identify that as your thoughts as opposed to a line. Either by putting it in quotations, or perhaps Italicizing it, which is another common way to get the fact that it is the character's thoughts across.

Otherwise I loved this story. It does feel like it is the start to a much larger story, and I would be glad to read it if you continued it. But I think it stands well on its own. What, indeed, would the world be like if everyone was gay. Very very well done. ^_^

[SwagMaster]

This is an awesome story!! Will sequels or something come next? The story led me to believe that there would be more.

Please mark this constructive and review me back!

[WriterMe]

This sounds like the introduction to another story. If it were, I would love to read it considering I really like the voice your seem to keep in your story. I tend to read more from you =]

[Odile RAZAFIMANDIMBY]

Very good start I would like to read more.

[Ted]

a very short story but very enlightening. It's real inspiring.

[Silver DeHalo]

So....when are you going to write more?? Very good start. :)

[RienKelsoCinema]

Very nice! Very nice! Bravo! I love how you capitalized Hell!

[Amelie13]

nice it was realy good but i don't get why it is a mature... well done