Jesus. Yeshua. ANYONE.

It's a privilege to have a place that is yours, and the knowledge to maintain it all from a young age. In that, I feel blessed.
It's wonderful to feel and be almost as self sufficient as possible within my society. I hugely appreciate my mind, my body and I'm improving EVERYTHING I can touch, if I can.
It's just the flipside of things that isn't as fun. Learning the housekeeping because circumstances meant walking yourself home from the first year of primary onwards, cooking in an empty house and coping because your parent had huge physical/mental struggles. Doing A LOT entirely alone, because everybody seems to think 'you'll manage' or they don't notice that you cry as you do the food shopping, as you walk down the street. Hating all the mistakes you made teaching yourself how to live; pitying yourself for having that responsibility. Watching people, and not having a group to compare them to - there was never a 'family' or a 'home', it was 'relatives' in a 'house', when people were actually there and in between the moving. And because of the type of people seen in youth, often very scared of what's completely innocent, and wary because...I just don't know how to communicate properly. Not understanding or remembering how you came to be the half-perfected, completely shattered person you are because the trauma leaves a lot of black spots...feeling wholly loveless, like a little seed that simply planted and grew itself out of a rock. Everything is giving up on me, but I cannot give up on myself. Even if I want to, very badly.

Author's Note

Sorry for this.