Dreaded Agony and Enchanted Hope

As a lie here in bed,

All these thoughts run through my head,

Music plays to distract me,

The reasons for my distress I still don’t see,

“You have it all” they say,

But yet these awful thoughts return each day,

Am I missing the gold to life?

The little moments and the enjoyment of life?

Where is my self esteem?

Why does each day seem like a bad dream?

My emotions curl and break

My happiness has turned from real to fake

Each day more and more bad

Frustrating. I don’t know why I’m sad

So here I write to you confused

I don’t want to be like this. I wish my sadness would defuse

A 19 year old boy overwhelmed

The world moves so fast. When will I ever be at the helm

Of my own life it seems I have no control

Every minute unrewarding, and these thoughts begin to take a toll

Happiness is all I strive for

But even when I’m happy I still want more

Where is my peace of mind?

Why is tranquility and comfort so hard to find

My life has so much more than it seems

Is my life pointless? What even are my dreams?

Where are my aspirations? My goals?

Running around in an endless abyss, trying to fill my own roles

These questions I ask are real

But even when I find the answers, how will I feel?

This unfulfilled hole craving “success”

But does even my success matter to the rest?

I want to be more than a statistic

To show everyone that it’s not so unrealistic

Life moves fast sure

But understand its ourselves that we live for

That it’s not all bad             

And it’s you that determines the life you’ve had

Positivity exists, and not so far away

If you just take a step back and stop looking for a way

To make everything perfect

And just enjoy the things in your life that are already perfect

This is harder than it sounds I know

But you are you and only you can make these things show

Everyone doubts, everyone has worry

Everyone has times where the good times seem blurry

But its these moments that mean the most

These low points define whether you actually live or just coast

And I’m going to live

My blood, sweat, and tears I will give

You will know my name

I will not live my life in unfulfilled shame

And this night I will remember

When my fire is out and burning are my last embers

The night I created change

The night I decided my life would no longer be deranged

So here’s to me

Here’s to being everything I’m supposed to be

And I promise I won’t disappoint.

Author's Note

First Time releasing this, go easy in the comments

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

here here! You don't disappoint already.... great message and awesome share of yourself in it. Good God don't stop writing and sharing. The helm is already in your hands the outside world i'm sorry to say will always give you a sense of not being in control... you trade schoolwork to real work to mortgages to worrying about bills to raising children and worrying about them. Control in many ways is an illusion and if becomes an obsession its the one of whom needs the control that ends up being controlled!? :) These things are always there they just take different forms and have different names the gold is prevalent in your eyes already and it will only get stronger with your attitude and outlook.

[WaldoJefferies]

Thank you so much! I Wish i could express what this means to me! Im so happy you liked the poem :)

[Connor Shane]

oh wow! for a first release this is pretty good! personally I understand your pain. it's hard to find what makes you happy and something you can honestly stick with and keep doing that feels "important". however your mindset seems pretty good. just to keep going and find out what'll happen, and what you want to do. disappointment is a subjective thing, so it's only an obstacle if you let it be one. and the little things really do help us become better, if we let them. nice work!

[WaldoJefferies]

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice and kind words:)