Love No More

Five years later, a young man meets with his first love in a cafe.

 

LOVE NO MORE

Ayza Soza

           

 

Seeing her for the first time in so long caused a chill to run down my spine and a rush of thoughts into my head. I looked at her from across the table; the future version of my adolescent’s affection, as we shared a conversation over a cup of coffee. My eyes gazed over at her silky, white skin and the smile that had always given my stomach butterflies. Her eyes; a gorgeous golden brown with flowing natural brown hair were as recognizable now as they had been five years ago.

            We sat at this small café in the middle of the city talking about what we had accomplished over the time. She had so much to talk about and I was happy to hear of her successes. However, if I said I was listening to her every word, I would be lying, for her delicate and soothing voice transcended me into a time warp bringing me back to scenes that have played repeatedly in my mind.

            Her voice brought me back to times prior to the present; when things were different for us. It was a time when we held each other so closely in the brisk evening, watching the sunset on the beach. A time that featured the first moment our lips fell upon each other’s as the first snowflakes of winter descended upon us. Five years ago, where we flirted shamelessly, not caring who was watching and what they thought. Memories of holding hands and our first experience of making love together proceeded through the picture show of thoughts. Never ending scenes of when our love for one another was strong and pure, able to overcome any obstacle we were to face.

            This was the girl who made my heart beat faster and slower simultaneously; who made me feel like I was on the ultimate high, yet also the one who brought me crashing down. I continued to think of a time before her words tossed me back into reality, causing me to lock myself away from the world. Shame and regret of letting it become this way fastened to my soul and well-being following her departure from my life. All dreams have to die, but I wasn’t ready to let go.

            So now, here we are both functioning adults of society. The young woman in my memories had grown into a woman. But even as time has moved on and we continue to grow older, my memories of our romance haven’t and will never show signs of wearing or fading. However, no matter how many times I revisit these images from my past, what is there will never be a reality here and now. This I know as a fact as I see the symbol of her attachment to another man; someone other than me.

            “Well, Kyle, I’ve gotta get running. It was great to see you,” she said, standing up and tossing her winter coat over her shoulders. “We’ll have to do this again sometime. Call me whenever you’re free and maybe we can have lunch together.” She smiled that same smile which I had always loved.

            “Yeah,” I said only able to manage a small grin, “I’d like that.”

            She bent down and pecked me on the cheek; my first kiss from her in five years. “Bye. Nice seeing you.”

She walked out of the café and onto the busy sidewalks of New York City. She had no idea how I felt, and to be truthfully honest, I had no plans on revealing them to her. Love no longer existed between us, at least the kind of love from days past. To tell her I love her would do more harm then good for both of us. It was not worth the risk.

Those days were over, and it is sad to say that I haven’t moved on. But can anyone truly get over their first love? I don’t think it’s possible, at least not easily; especially when you go back into your mind of your firsts and their image is there for almost every experience. But, to love someone is to wish to see them happy. What I saw from her today was happiness, obviously something I couldn’t completely give her during our time.

So, though it may hurt me, I know I can’t interfere, for it would only benefit me and when I love someone, I don’t want it to benefit me if it destroys the happiness of the other. Someday, I’ll find someone for me and then be with my first love as a friend, which is the best thing I can be for her now.

Author's Note

again i haven't looked at this piece in a long time and thought, what the hell. might as well get people's opinion.

Reviews

[The Analog Kid]

Nice view on the love/friendship continium. Recently, I went through something similar. In the end, I found it necessary to cut off all ties. It is just too painful. Why torture yourself? The human heart is so complex.

Pat

[*Evelen*]

Wow this was such I wonderful story. Sad,true, and just amazing. I could picture the whole thing just running through my mind, and I could feel the pian that he was going through. Well done=)

[Bananabacon]

I really love your story!!! I thought that it was wonderful! I think that it's great for a guy to express those kinds of emotions. But what do I no! I'm only 15!! I would like for you to read some of my poems!! thanks!! Keep the stories coming!!