Blackened Mirrors

a short blip in a girl's life

Inside the room, surrounded by stark whiteness, fear unfurled within my chest. A thick, dull throbbing filled my head and my vision hazed at the edges. I shifted uncomfortably on the leather cushions, unsticking my thighs from the fabric. Goose bumps prickled over my skin as I angled away from the pane of gray sky. The dizzying height of the floor felt inappropriate. Though I understood curtains and blinds weren't allowed, resentment flared behind my eyes. 

I shouldn't have to be here; I could have extended my support through a letter, card, or text. Written word conveyed more emotions than presence, that much I knew. I should never have come. I should never have though I was needed. I should never have....

"Cici? Are you listening?" 

Blinking, I forced a smile and nodded. 

Eliza grimaced, her nose scrunching slightly, clearly aware I was lying. "I was saying how strict they are! I mean, really, no hair mouse? Is that even necessary?" As she combed her fingers roughly through the sporadic layers of her hair,  dark chunky locks fell over her eyes. Her skin, sickeningly pale, glowed beneath its blackness. "What am I going to, beat my self to death with the can?"

Nausea pooled deep in my stomach.

"They're just cautious is all." I assured her, hesitantly grasping her hand. My palm felt slick against her icy skin. "So they're taking good care of you then?"

Rolling her eyes and squeezing my hand tighter, Eliza sighed heavily. "If you could call it 'care'. I'm not allowed to do anything! It's so unfair. I mean, it was a one time thing! A freak accident, which I told them a million times. I don't get why they have to keep me here. It's not like I'm going to try anything again."

"Your mom is just scared. No one was really aware anything was bothering you so much." 

"Because nothing was." A brief pause, then flippantly, she said, "The food here is terrible, and I'm ready to go home."

"I don't think that'll be for a while, honey." Eliza's mother, Mrs. Johnson, patted the lump of blankets that was her daughter's leg. 

The length of her black hair lay abnormally lank past her shoulders. Ugly blue circles sullied her usually sharp eyes, and she hugged a grey knit sweater close to her small chest, long fingers folded into the fabric. 

Neither Eliza nor I spoke as she studied the large monitor registering Eliza's heart rate and oxygen intake. Satisfied, Mrs. Johnson hummed softly, a questioning sound she made as she thought. 

"Marrycia, would you mind heading home for now?" Anticipating Eliza's outrage, she added, "You may come back later, if you like." Her smile was thin, strained. 

I stood faster than I should; the chair hissed across the tile in response. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" 

Eliza nodded. Her arms stretched out expectantly. 

"Thank you for being here." Her breath tickled the fine hairs escaping from my braid. 

"I'll be here, if you need me." Shameful heat rose into my cheeks as my voice cracked, rising an octave higher than I'd meant. With a nod from Mrs. Johnson, I slipped through the glass door, down the hall, past the nurses' station, into a waiting elevator. 

Author's Note

I'm really in need of some honest feedback! Please leave your thoughts!

Reviews

[-]

Some passages here were past tense, rather than present. Which seems like a superficial issue; but can change a readers view completely, by instilling an immediacy there is a larger investment on the readers part. I.e they care about the characters more.

Blinking, I forced a smile and nodded
should be present;
Blinking, I force a smile and nod.

I also find that less words heightens the readers experience; not because they're lazy, or anything. But merely because it gives each word that much more concentrated power. 'kill your darlings' is the phrase to describe this- even though you might be attached to particular lines, the story might be more profound for cutting them out. I.e "Her smile was thin, strained." Could just be, "Her smile was thin." Allowing the same conclusion, with less words.

Now, I must say that I love the ending, it feels like an authentic short story that doesn't ram an entire plot arc down the reader's throat. And, I will continue to read your other works. Hope this has helped. Thanks.