The light pitter patter of rain continued, lulling as the most soothing lullaby. It made it easy to let go of the past days events-- of everything that had brought nothing but pain. If I closed my eyes and just breathed--in and out-- I could almost pull away and let my mind relax. That is, until I was faced with reality once again. Then I would spiral down, down, down, where nothing was clear or made any sense. Where I was trapped by haunting memories of what used to be, of what could have been. All of the pictures of us were smashed, torn uncaringly from the wall in a blind rage. The room we'd shared for two years avoided at all costs. Dishes from our last night together abandoned in the sink. I hadn't eaten, had barely slept--the dark bags beneath my eyes were testament to that.
Messages left on the phone from frantic and worried friends weren't welcome. They made everything too real, brought on thoughts I've tried so hard to bury. Even as I sat here, curled up on the couch facing the open, uncurtained window, the phone's shrill ring disturbed my silence. Again came Cammie's voice through the speaker. She seemed to call the most, but didn't dare try and show up here. None of them would.
"Sofie, please pick up the phone. You're scaring me. You're scaring all of us. We're worried about you, and we miss you. I love you, but I can't help you if you keep pushing us away." The line went dead with a resounding beep.
I grabbed at my tangled hair, pulling at it anxiously.
"We, we, they, they, you, you. He's GONE. GONE! AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK! EVER! NOT FOR YOU, NOT EVEN for me." My final words were whimpers as I choked on a sob and my chest heaved violently.
"He's gone." I blubbered, wrapping my arms around my knees. "He's gone, and now....and now I'll never see him again...."
A sudden spurt of irrational thoughts clouded my vision and I stumbled almost drunkenly toward the hall.
"It has to be here." I whispered vehemently. Digging through the basket of broken glass on hands and knees, I caught sight of the corner and yanked it toward me. It was torn--and now bloody from my fingers that had been sliced apart, but his face was still there, smiling from under his hand as he shaded his beautiful eyes from the sun. I smiled back, inching into the corner unable to let my own eyes wonder away from his. Taking a shuddering breath, I brought the photo to my lips and kissed the only one who'd ever meant anything.
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