Shoes In White Charleston

the fewtch

As soon as
they were up I wished
I'd done it better.

They hung too far to the left
over property I didn't own.
They hung, indeed,
over the prettiest property
in the alley.

The boy talked to me
one night and said
his dad was mad
they were up there
and I felt bad but
left them hanging.

The boy's grandma lived there
as well.
She was a gardener
but once they were hanging
I rarely saw her
and then she died.

The father blames me
and he's right to.

Grandma is dead.

Reviews

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

A lot of hanging here. And deaths following. And soon no one alive, but only nooses remain and dancing shoes.

[Rita L. Sev]

There is an amazing depth to this piece, WS.

[The Twin Arenas]

thanks. I'm still working on it.

[silent poet]

Very nice poem...............

[ANTO]

So different and refreshing Waconda. Excellent title and a great vignette of a family who suffered a loss of a matriarch and looked for answers to why.
I enjoyed this first read this morning.

[marcus]

Bloody kids!! Hanging running shoes over telephone wires. They're going to curse the whole bloody neighbourhood with their voodoo crap!

[Cory Barrett]

You have a strong one on your hands here.

I love the multiple mentions of hanging, conjuring up the obvious, but in a well crafted way.

"Prettiest property in the Ally" make sure that we know that not even in ceremony is there a beautiful place to bury the dead, when you're poor there is no pretty place. It like saying i put them in the driest part of the ocean. Really awesome with that bit.

An how much grief and thought are put into a pair of hanging white sneakers, or maybe we just aren't putting enough grief into those shoes.

As for grandma.... I love grandmas, but the are meant to die; not boys.

[The Twin Arenas]

thanks, man. it needs a little work, but I got it for a song.

[Cory Barrett]

It might need a bit of tweaking, a couple of grammar issues. Maybe some work with different enjambments. But I think you have one that could be sent out to some reviews.

[The Twin Arenas]

"As soon as" is as weak of a first line as I'll ever write.

[Cory Barrett]

Tied Laces wire bound

Maybe Gives something a bit more concrete.

you can tell me to go to hell at anytime

[The Twin Arenas]

I CAN DO IT!

[Cory Barrett]

HA! ok hands off!

[KWP]

surely they can't have been that bad to cause a death and all .. I mean they were hanging yes and not where anticipated but they did add a bit more interesting to the usual normal street ... Grandma probably got sick of the father moaning i'd say ... all day he'd complain about where they were hung ... funally she had enough and said 'that's it I'm outt here.'

this one painted a fine picture in my mind .. somewhat different to your usual XX