City Brush

The Fewtch

All the chaos

of a runaway

bus leaping

like a smile over

the green green grass,

like a grin bleeds

ripped silver

The exuberance

of length

almost over

shadowed by sardines

pressed screams under glass

Headlight eyes

bus eyes

your eyes

Lost and thrilling

A plane

losing altitude

somewhere over

DPRK

Reviews

[Rosalind Gale]

Out of nowhere - you become a writer I am enamored of. Kansas-love? Dunno. You have the simplicity, the wavelength I have always enjoyed -
Rosa
-x-

[The Twin Arenas]

Muchas gracias. The dig is reciprocal.

[BBP]

Portrays the events of the action in perfect sequence, starts out beautifully and ends in devastating peace.

[lua]

this constructs such a scene in few words, the broken sentences add pace, a rushed, disorderly emotion to the poem

[Enigma Monster]

I like this. Makes me think of a plane going down in slow motion, tiny faces screaming soundlessly behind all the little glass window bubbles. Makes me think of inevitability.

[charlie]

There are some lines here that read nice - to me. Lines like "a runaway bus leaping like a smile" - "Headlight eyes bus eyes your eyes Lost and thrilling" ...

I'm basic when it comes to poetry, and don't invest in much of what might be the insinuated cleverness of a poet and their riddling: in view of that, I can not understand what this is supposed to be saying beyond describing a crash in the sea - perhaps it's a bus, a plane, or supermen (a co-op of crazies)...

[Chenin Marie]

headlight eyes
bus eyes
your eyes
lost and thrilling

I love this. All of this. Your style is divergent and intriguing.

[The Twin Arenas]

Thanks. I appreciate that. This is actually one of my favourites. I think I've barely touched it. It's funny - the stanza you mentioned is the one I've monkeyed with the most. I'm often torn between whether or not the L of lost should be capitalized.

[Chenin Marie]

Your writing is great. I think we all mess around with our writing a few times. I'm not sure the capitalization affected the way I read it in my head. Sometimes untouched is just as good to the reader, however we are our own worst critics I believe.

[The Twin Arenas]

Constantly. Constantly messing. The capitalization gives it a little -beat- Some days I like it, and then again some days I don't.

[Chenin Marie]

Just had to read this again. Definitely one of my favorites.

[Corset]

I don't know why this brings to mind the North Korean defector who ripped up her own propaganda book and returned home, and It makes me wonder did she go home because she really missed the free taxes and health services? Could there have been more under that regret, something like fear?

[jesserose99]

This first stanza especially has a very abstract feel. really interesting. I love the idea...so unique, great style.

[A.marie.speaks]

Creative and different, dark and morbid. All the categories I really love. Gave me goosebumps. Great write

[Mia Sparrow]

sounds like someone experiencing a bus crash in real time and a morbid fascination with watching his companion experiencing it with him. maybe the same will happen to the plane... the world coming to an end.

[The Twin Arenas]

Thanks, Mia. This is one of my favourites. Inspired by a buscrash dream and DPRK times.