13 Year Old Boy, 1960

the fewtch in reverse.

The poor thin

blue of that pool.

White skin looked

paler and I'd dream

about her soft red pubes

slowly dancing underwater.

I think her name was Sandy.

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

Your style is unique, that is for sure. Never quite know what I will get when I read a title.

[Meraki]

I... mm.. puberty. I knew a ginger once not in the same way you knew Sandy. Her name was Mary, she made me laugh. I've read this poem 7 times already and I still have no idea of what I want to say. I like how the thin blue pool brings back memories, and how well articulated it is. Except her name that always seems to be a fuzzy detail when horomones are in the way.

[Laura Lynn]

This is nice. I think a new perspective from a male point of view, when I am good with "dream about his...." yada yada yada... when I think of falling in love with the anatomy of the opposite sex and how we find it attractive when we do regardless of age. I don't know. It's hard to fall in love sometimes. It is fun to think about when we get the opportunity; though we must allow for different types of/sorts of love about all things, nature, love of work and industry and then try to achieve balance in it. I'm finding that I am really confused about what love is because I want to be loved but haven't found the man that loves me; and yet there is a man who says he loves me but I am not the only one he loves; so what then? I don't expect anyone to answer that just pondering; trying to solve this; ask for help about this solution in group setting, but just getting "it off the chest" is a big thing/ big part of that

[The Twin Arenas]

i dunno man. love=truth. that's all i know. good luck, Laura. You have cool brains.

[Meraki]

You know I never thought about love in this poem I just remembered the raging hormones I was surrounded by. You're right. There's an odd sense of beauty. As for what love is, I'm confused myself though I feel I'd recognize it should it become present in my life. At least I hope I would.

[marj]

this is lovely.

I love the slant rhyme of 'paler' and 'underwater,' and I like how the lines slowly increase in size. the image of a pool being thin is nice .. I immediately picture pale blue water, and then you go on to say that the "white skin looked / paler" which makes my impression concrete.

I would only advise you to think about your tenses ... the third line alludes to a concrete past but the fourth line is in past progressive, and then you finish in present tense. I like the present in the end but the past tenses are confusing.

other than that, just lovely -- perfectly succinct.

[The Twin Arenas]

I think that's how it supposed to read. It's a man remembering. I think that's how it's supposed to read. Maybe you're right.
I understand the importance of tense, but I kind of like a bit of liquidity in it as well. In poetry, at least. I don't know. Thanks for the read, at any rate, and the comments and s**t. I'm sure to get hung up on tense for at least a minute today. :I

[The Twin Arenas]

*it's supposed to read, I mean.

[The Twin Arenas]

is slant rhyme a thing? that is kind of neat.

[marj]

if that's what you meant, keep it like that!! I'm just here to provide first-impressions. and yes, slant rhyme was made famous by emily dickinson. basically just an imperfect rhyme.

[The Twin Arenas]

Yeah, totally. I appreciate it, big time. You're in school for this s**t from what I've gathered, so, like, I appreciate it.

[Rene Salinas]

Good for you a close encounter on a swimming pool , how invite and hopefully it was fun for all involved. Though at the age of 13 I would have been terified and nervous, God knows I couldn't talk to the opposite sex at all, afraid as anything of my shortcoming and petrified through failure so this would have been and incredible thing to happen to me.
As usual the twists and turns of your idoms made style greatly tipified by simplicity of language by rationality of a different kind and by that feeling that permeates you which is of a prsent form of wisdom.

And old soul I guess Waconda

Thankyou