Journal Entry #5

True story with an important lesson.

Once upon a time I had a friend. We'll call her Kay. When I first met Kay on the internet, she told me that she was 19 years old and that she lived in one of the Carolinas (North, I think). She told me that she had a multiple personality disorder, so I would sometimes chat with "Annie," a girl who lived in her head. Kay loved me, but Annie didn't. Annie didn't like me at all. 

As time went by, Kay couldn't handle the guilt anymore, so she admitted to me that she lied, and that she couldn't keep lying to me. I told her that I knew, and proceeded to point out the fact that Annie and Kay wouldn't have the same spelling habits (she always typed "happends" instead of happens), that the name she had first given me had never been used before and that the chances of someone making up a name for her were too astronomical to believe, and that the last straw on the illusion's back was the name her email was registered to. She had to have her own email address to get her account, and in those days getting an email address was almost easier than it is now. 

She told me she'd understand if I never wanted to speak to her again. (She had been lying to me for months.)

I told her she was a being doofus and that I still loved her, despite the fantasy. She was relieved, but confused, so I had to explain it too her.

As human beings, we all have the inherent need to be important to someone, even if its only to one person; even if its only to a little puppy. But we don't always feel significant enough for anyone, so in order to cope we invent reasons to be someone special. It can get to be a little flimsy, though, if it only exists in our head, so we try to push it out into reality. 

There are ways in which you can make a difference in people's lives without the deception. You have learned lessons in life that others are still struggling with; this will always be true. Take a moment to think about those who love you. You are important, and you do matter, because everyone makes an impact on the lives of those around them. It's more beneficial to help someone as ourselves than it is if we help someone as who we're pretending to be.

Kay and I had a long distance relationship after that. It only lasted a few months but we remained friends, and she never again needed her fantasies.