On one stormy night...

Here's a FICTIONAL love story or unrequited love.

               It is hard to describe or even believe the events of that night. That one stormy night. Sometimes, it feels like it was just a bad dream. Most nights, I relive it in my sleep. I keep running over that night, trying to figure out if what I saw was real or if my conscious was coming back with a vengeance.

                To have any person understand that night, they would have to know my life before it.

                For years, I was in love with a woman years older than myself. However, she caused constant grief and depression. I had a very dear friend I vented to when the woman I was obsessed over came to town and wrecked my heart. She was my best friend and she always had a way to cheer me up in my darkest moods. She always had time or made time to see and talk to me.

                However, she took her own life a few weeks ago. I was so distraught that I did not even attend her funeral. People say that when someone you deeply care for dies, something feels like its missing from inside you. They also say you can’t sense something missing. When she took her life that day, I knew what had happened. I knew someone died by the cold feeling inside my chest. It felt like my heart was frozen, sending chills up and down my spine. I spent those weeks in isolation in my room, balling my eyes out until all the tears turned to just shouts in the night. I couldn’t tell you why I was acting that way or why I woke up in the middle of night only to see a glimpse of her at the foot of my bed before she disappeared. I thought I was just waking up and my eyes were adjusting to my surroundings when I saw her, but now I’m not so sure.

                My parents tried to get me to go to the hospital or see a therapist but I refused knowing that I would be put on medication. When my parents pushed me or tried talking to me, I would go on walks. Rain or shine, I would go on long walks, keeping my head low and my hands tucked away in my pockets. The feeling didn’t get better over time, they got worse. I started to hear her voice in my head, but it was so low and distant that I couldn’t hear what it was saying.

                Finally, it was one stormy night. Lightning struck the across the darkened sky, the thunder threatened pour down its heavy rain, and the thick fog covered the ground to make it impossible to look more than ten feet in front of yourself. But there was a faint glow that I could see coming from the cemetery down the street. Normally, I wouldn’t go out on walks if there was thunder and lightning but there was something about it that drew me to it.

                I put on my coat and boots and walked down the streets still wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt that I was going to wear to bed. Right by my side was a flashlight that remained off due to lightning lighting my way. I reached the entrance of the graveyard and the light had vanished. I looked down the hill toward the older section of the cemetery and found no light. I heaved a sigh and sat down on the grass that had yet to receive a dead body in it. Nearby, I knew my best friend laid under the ground. But I didn’t look.

                A lightning struck above and a loud crash followed its wake.

                “Hello, you.” I recognized that voice. I knew those words but I haven’t heard them since she died. She should be dead. I remained where I was not looking behind me to look.

                It’s just the voice in my head. I tried to convince myself. But the voice was just too real for it to be in my head. Slowly I turned my body and my face went pale and my body stiffened.

                “Victoria.” I whispered in disbelief.

                Before me was my best friend… my dead best friend. Lightning struck again above and I could see her more clearly. She was wearing a long white gown and a noose hung tight around her neck. Blood was formed around her mouth and her head was tilted sideways as if she broke her neck. But it was her eyes, the eyes that had me in fear. There were no eyes and it was just all dark. I rose from the ground and tried to shut my eyes, to awake myself from this horrible dream but I was too hypnotized but what was before me.

                “You never came to my funeral.” The voice was spoken with venom and hate yet she never opened her mouth to say the words. Lightning struck again and she disappeared. But I could sense her nearby. That cold feeling in my chest was gone and was replaced by warmth that I haven’t felt in so long. In a weird way, I was happy that it returned.

                “Why?” The voice screamed in the darkness. It was high-pitched and was filled with hate and sadness. Lightning struck nearby and a tree fell. I swung around and saw her standing by her grave. With taking a step, she floated towards me so fast that it looked like she disappeared and reappeared in my face.

                She was staring at me in the face and I looked deep into the empty sockets.” I…I…I…” I tried speaking but couldn’t find the words. Instead, my hand came up and slowly touched her cheek. She didn’t move or fight it, but her expression of hate softened just a touch. Her skin was ice cold and sent goose bumps all over my body.” I’m so sorry, Victoria.” The words barely came out of my mouth and tears started streaming down my face.” I just didn’t want to believe you were gone. I just couldn’t function since you died.” I looked down and my hand dropped.

                From the corner of my eye, I saw a grin pass her face as if she was satisfied.

                “I didn’t want to do it, Dakota.” She started but stopped as if trying to find the words to explain.” It’s just that you never cared for me.” Her voice was full of hurt.

                “How could you say that, Victoria? I may not show my emotions a lot and I know I drag my problems to you but you have to know that I have always cared about you.” I said.

                “But you didn’t love me.” She said in a low voice.

                “Neither did you.” I said.

                “I loved you. I only drove you away those years ago because we were too young.” She said.

                I closed my eyes and quietly acknowledged the warmth in my chest. Suddenly, I felt an icy hand again my cheek and another icy hand take my hand and place it on her cheek. I opened my eyes slowly feeling content with the moment. We stared at each other and I could see tears steam from her cheek. I rubbed my hand through her dark hair feeling overwhelmed with guilt and sadness.

                “I love you, Victoria. I wish I could’ve saved you.” I said in a low voice.

                “I love you, too, Dakota. It’s never too late to make it right.” She said in a calm, soothing voice that I missed and will always miss.

                I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. For a moment, her lips were cold but they quickly warmed up as if some part of her was still trying to live on. We pressed our bodies against one another with our lips locked. The taste of blood entered my mouth from hers.Then, the warmth that I felt on my lips was gone and so was her touch. I opened my eyes to notice that she was no longer there. I scanned the dark landscape but couldn’t see anything through the fog. I stood there in silence, looking at her grave standing alone on the hill. I approached it slowly and knelt down beside the tombstone. I kiss my fingers and placed them on the tombstone, feeling my eyes swell up.  I cried hard by her grave that night.

                I never made it home, I woke up in the mid-morning sun and my older brother standing over me. The taste of blood was no longer in my mouth. I could see the worry in his face and, for the first time in those weeks, I could say that I wasn't. The worst ended when she disappeared. The healing began when I realized I loved her. 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful tale in this story. We must defeat our inner demons. Hard to face deeds and people. I believe we must forgive our self and the people who broke our heart. Thank you for sharing this story. A outstanding story.
Coyote

[Jazique]

You really only had three errors with the last paragraph after home is (;), In the second to last paragraph in the fourth sentence their should be a space between hers. and Then, and in the seventh paragraph have lay instead of "laid" other then that your grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless. As for your writing in it self it was so powerful and amazing. You descriptions were wonderful you feelings put into the characters were great as you feel the sadness of his lost and of so much more. You did a marvelous job as I have no idea why I've read so many ghost stories lately but, yours was one that definitely stuck out and all and all bravo and keep up the amazing writings.( Did relate at all to the book that you have with Dakota?)

[.shalynn.009.]

"if my conscious" I think you meant conscience.

"balling my eyes out" Should be "bawling"

" I kiss my fingers" you switched into present tense here. Also, every sentence in this paragraph starts with the word "I" which got very repetitive. You should try to change up the sentence structure here and there.

Well, throughout I found a lot of missing words and wrong tenses. Nothing more than a careful readthrough wouldn't fix.

Because you didn' use names throughout hte first half of the story, it seemed a bit strange when you did add them in. Also, it made it confusing when one of thewomen died. I was a little unsure of who had died, and it became more confusing when he told Victoria he had loved her. I thought he loved the older woman? Unless Victoria is the older woman? I'm still a little confused.

I liked the second half of the story a lot more than the first. THe first half felt like a lot of straight telling, which got a little tedious to read, since there was no dialogue or specifics to break up the history lesson. But the second half was good. I liked the attention to detail, especially when describing Victoria and hte emotions seeing her brought up in Dakota.

It was an interesting take on supernatural vs. psychological through a love story. I like that the reader is left to kind of wonder if it was a gohstly encounter with a dissatisfied spirit or if he made it all up to get his own kind of closure. That made it really intriguing, especially in the end.

Good job with this. It was an interesting and fun read (well, maybe fun isn't the right word, but I enjoyed it.) Thanks for the read and keep writing.

[Larry Dyson]

beautiful and touching pattern of grief in stages..illustrated in details that pull on your heart...
"Finally,... one stormy night. Lightning struck across the darkened sky, the thunder threatened to pour down its heavy rain, and the thick fog covered the ground; making it impossible to look more than ten feet in front of yourself. But, there was a faint glow that I could see coming from the cemetery down the street. Normally, I wouldn’t go out on walks if there was thunder and lightning but there was something about it that drew me to it. " Oh ..conscience...sp

[VelvetRosetta]

A bit dark whick makes it appealing the cementary scene was fantastic, I visioned the whole thing as if I was looking at Victoria with her broken neck, no eyes and blood arounf her mouth. The end was very nice as well, he was able to heal, thats always important.
A few minor spelling errors, proof read it and I give you an A!