Freewrite Attempt #2

Here's the second freewrite!

                  I stood in the middle of the dancefloor dressed like a business man. I was moving slightly to the music the DJ was putting on. I kept my right hand tight around a silver briefcase. The floor was crowded and everyone was jumping up and down or grinding on each other in blissful happiness.

                “They’re ready for you!” I heard a male voice scream into my ear over the heart pounding music. I turned on my heels and followed the similiarily dressed man up a flight of stairs by the bar. All the while keeping a straight face, I was here for business… not pleasure. At the top of the stairs, we went through a door at the end of a long blue hallway. Standing next to the door was a man suited like me wearing sunglasses.

                The room we entered into was large with its own bar and glass overlooking the dancefloor. In the center was a round couch circling around. Sitting around the couch were two other guys dressed the same way with the same, straight expression on their face. I sat down on the opposite side of the couch as the man who escorted me stood by the door. I laid the briefcase on the circular table in between us.

                Before I opened it, I looked at the two men.” Your mom is so fat that she’s the reason why the Titanic really sunk.” It was a secret code to make sure it wasn’t someone else.

                They both replied in monotone.” Your mom is so hairy, she was mistaken as Chewy from Star Wars.” I nodded by acceptance and unlocked the briefcase.

                “Gentleman, if you wish to buy, you will be starting a new era of bath time for kids.” I turned the briefcase around and let them look into the briefcase. They both leaned forward and raised their eyebrows. Both looked at each other.

                “Rubber duckies?” One of the men asked.

                “Yes,” I nodded,” Rubber Duckies have been a favorite of bath time for many years. However, it’s the new method in which teenagers can water the cannabis they wish to grow… without their parents knowing.” Both men looked at each other and nodded their approval.” We’re going global, gentleman.”

                A waitress approached me after I leaned back signaling I was done talking.” Can I get you something to drink, sir?”

                “Yes, I’ll take an apple juice… on the rocks… shaken not stirred.” I replied without taking my eyes off the men sitting opposite of me.

                “Is it still good for bath time, though?” One of them asked.

                “Damn straight it is. I wouldn’t sell rubber duckies that didn’t work.” I snapped.

                Just then the man standing outside in the hallway burst in with a badge in his right hand and a red gun in the left.” Freeze. LAP Double D’s! This is a sting!”

                He looked at me and that’s when the two men across from me both popped up with a green and yellow gun in their hands. The cop by the door raised eyebrows but he had glasses on so I couldn’t read his facial expression that well. He ducked behind the near bar counter as the two men started shooting.

                Water was squirting everywhere. The two men across from me were getting everything around the bar wet. After a minute, they both stopped and looked at their guns. They were out of water. The officer must have realized this because he jumped up and started blasting his own water. I jumped up and ducked behind the couch to keep from getting wet.

                The guard who escorted me into the room was still by the door still standing there as if nothing was happening. I brought out one of my grenades and threw it at the cop behind the counter when he stopped to get more water in the sink. The grenade exploded water right near him and he went down.

                He came back up soaking wet firing whatever water he managed to get from the sink before getting hit. One of the water shots hit one of the men across from me in the head and he dropped dead instantly.

                After a moment of shock, a new figure by the door. It was a girl with dark hair and brown eyes. Unfortunately, she was wearing a badge on her pocket and was carrying a hose. I cursed at the misfortune to meet a beautiful woman on bad circumstance and the fact that she was loaded with ammo. I took a breath and I grabbed the suitcase and ran towards the glass overlooking the dancefloor. She spotted me after taking down the other man who was left alive and pointed the hose in my direction. Unfortunately, I already reached the glass and I slammed through it. Putting all my weight into the glass, it broke and I fell a whole floor down.

                It was another few seconds before I started to move and get my bearings. I was in the middle of the dancefloor again and everyone was still dancing as if nothing was going on. I ran towards the emergency exit and flung myself through the door. As soon as I got outside in the back alley, I was in a crazed adrenaline powered trance. A news reporter was already there outside the door.

                “Most of the men were soaked in the shooting and one got away. Excuse me, sir… you got away, now what are you going to do?”

                “MY RUBBER DUCKIES!” I screamed and ran off into the distance.

                “Alrighty,” the news reporter continued calmly.” No reports have come in where the suspect went to.”

Reviews

[Wake Up!]

MY RUBBER DUCKIES! Leave it to you to write something this awesome. i loved the little bit of comedy, made mah day, yes sir. On a literary standpoint, it was YET ANOTHER excellent write :D

[Sunflower 20]

i found it ironic how you put drugs with something childish like rubber duckies. but this was an entertaining read, especially the shooting. i was interested in how bullets have been replaced by water...But the writing it self was easy to understand and entertaining. i think you could add more to this...maybe continue the story with the suspect and if he escapes the cops or something.

Anyway, Great job :)