The Day That Never Wanted To End

Here's my class assignment for Creative Writing, tell me what you think!

            I glanced at myself in the mirror and sighed nervously. I patted down my plain white shirt and looked at my bright blue jeans reflected in the mirror. I reached out my hand and grabbed a black sports coat and put it on and rolled my shoulders. Behind me, my cell lit up and caught my eye in the mirror. Quickly, I took one last look at my blond hair that was short with the bangs spiked up a little bit in the front. I checked around my hazel eyes to make sure I didn’t look too tired or worn down from the days work.

            I turned around and walked up to my bed where the phone laid silently vibrating. I picked it up and checked the number. Realizing who it was I answered immediately,” Hello?” I asked more quickly than I wanted.

            “Hey you. Ready for tonight?” A soft, cheerful female voice spoke on the other side. For a second, my heart skipped a beat.

            “Uh, yeah. I’m about to leave.” I said in a lower voice.

            “Alright, I’ll be ready when you get here.” She said again with that cheerful voice. I couldn’t help but smile.

            “Ok, I’ll be there in about five minutes.” I said with a small grin upon my face.

            We said our goodbyes and I hurried out of my small apartment and down the two flights of stairs to get outside. I stepped outside and went down four more steps  to reach the sidewalk. I stood for a few seconds to take in the mid-autumn air. The sun was almost done and everything was quiet. There were cars parked on the street and cars could be heard off in the distance. But that was the only sound that could be heard, which I found pleasantly odd.

            I hopped into the driver’s seat of my small Mazda RX-8. I drove down endless streets to get across the small city to get where she was. I played smooth jazz on my radio in low volume to help calm my nerves as I finally pulled up her street. Finally I found her place that was a door that went above a hobby shop. I parked in front of the shop and got out. I looked around the street to find endless street lamp lighting up the avenue with small plants in the middle of the road to separate the two way roads. As far as I could see there were small shops and businesses on either side of the road.

            “Hey you.” A voice said.

            I turned around quickly and just as quickly as my heart started pounding, it stopped.” H-hey.” I replied with an embarrassed smile.

            Standing before me was a girl just about my height with bright blond hair that went a little past her shoulders and gleaming blue eyes.  Her perfect red lips were curved with into a smile to expose her beautiful blinding smile. She was wearing a red dress that just went half way down her thigh and a pair of red high heels. Her hair was pulled back but a small section of hair was still dangling in front of her face.

            “Wow.” Was all I could say when I saw her.

            “Wow what?” She asked clearly teasing.

            “You look great, that’s all.” I replied trying to find a way to force myself to breath. Her smile brightened.

            “Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.” She said patting my sports coat. I blushed. I gave a small uncomfortable cough.

            “Well, are you ready?” I waved towards the car but from the corner of my eye I could see she wasn’t looking at the car. She was still looking at me. I forced myself to put aside the nervousness and winked at her.” Take a picture, might last longer.” I smiled.

            She laughed,” Well, are we going or not?” She asked moving along the subject.

            I opened the passenger door for her and got back behind the wheel. Still the low tune of smooth jazz played and as I drove off I saw her smile and close her eyes nodding her head to music. I smiled.

            For another five minutes we drove down the avenue with the street lights and endless shops until we got out on the other side. I took a right and then a left. After going straight for another two minutes the sound of ocean could be heard in the distance. We found a place to park and walked another block and through a small hotel’s parking lot that led to the beach. I held in my hand a big blanket while she carried a small picnic basket in her hands.

            “Am I allowed to look in the basket yet?” She nearly complained.

            “No, not until we’re on the beach and settled in.” I replied grunting at the restriction the big blanket made to his movements. We finally reached the soft sands of the beach and we stopped to let her take off her heels and for me to take off my sneakers and sock. Another minute and I laid the blanket out on the sand and took the basket from her hands and was tempted to get closer. I shook my head slightly and laid the basket in the middle.

            We both sat down and stared out at the ocean, it was dark but the waves could still be seen and the stairs gleamed above them. We then focused our attention on the sky where nothing but the stars could be seen, and there was no moon tonight. I glared at my digital watch and whispered,” You’ll see my surprise in a minute. Just keep watching the sky.” She looked at me for a second and smiled, then looked at the sky. Sure enough, thirty seconds later a meteor shower began and she smiled and nearly laughed. Watching the dozens of shooting stars pass by through the night sky made me smile too. But it ended another minute later and I looked at her through gleaming, desirable eyes.” So? Did you choose one and make a wish?” I asked.

            She looked at me in the eyes and I wanted nothing more than to just have more of her. I wanted her so badly at that moment it felt like a heart break.” I don’t need to make a wish. What I wanted is right here with me.” She said in a soft, serious tone.

            I leaned across the blanket and touched her cheek with the hand that wasn’t supporting me up. I looked her in the eyes and said slowly,” What I need is right here with me.” She leaned forward then and kissed me gently but passionately on the lips.

            For a whole minute we held that kiss and it felt like it wouldn’t end…but I was fine with that. Then the minute ended and we parted.” I will always be here with you.” She smiled. Everything vanished. My problems, the world and its tragic events, all the drama and sadness I held inside just seemed to melt away into that one moment. That one moment a few people took for granted and others would die to have. I had it, and I loved every single second of it and wished it would just last. It could be the day that never ended, the moment when time just stopped in its track to slow down and look upon us with a smile. The day when everything could be wrong, but it felt so right.

Reviews

[aloha.]

wow. i loved this. it was super duper relatable which made it even more of a joy to read, dear. (:

[Norma M Sutton]

The story if fine, the bold font bothered my eyes though. Might want to tone it down a bit for us older folks lol. The bold font makes the lines looked cramped.

[Closed Account]

Ooooh! This was so cute. There were some parts that I didn't get, but that's probably just me.
But, other than that, it was really good(:

[Uncle Iroh]

Generally, I think its a nice narrative. There is a nice build to the climatic movement. It is easy to place yourself into the story

There are some parts that I think really do not add to the story that you could omit or re-word. The paragraph that starts with "We said our goodbyes" doesn't really add anything to my experiencing the story except for the part of about the sun and the quiet, letting know the time of day and the atmosphere of surroundings. The rest is either unnecessary/redundant. Also the statement - "For another five minutes we drove down the avenue with the street lights and endless shops until we got out on the other side. I took a right and then a left. After going straight for another two minutes" don't really add to the over feeling of the story either. Also, for the general reader, how many people know what a Mazda RX8 is; just describe the car generally and quickly if you think its important to the story. Lastly, the second to the last sentence might read better as "...the moment when time just stopped to look upon us and smile." or "...the moment when time slowed down and looked upon us with a smile." Good Luck.