Ask Yourself These Questions

This goes for a lot of people and I wish I could tell others what I said here.

              Everyday it’s the same thing. I go to school, go to my classes, and do my homework. But I go out of my way to do some things that kids my age don’t do anymore. When I go to lunch, I open the door and stand there and let everyone in. Not one thank you, it’s fine. I don’t expect any politeness in the school. After everyone is in, I enter the cafeteria to a packed lunch room and long lines. I wait patiently in them just smiling at people walking by or just staring off into space. This is me now.

               Last year? I would go to the cafeteria and be first in the line. I would wear a frown and be that kid who gave everyone an evil glare. I would stare off into space or write, it was the only time you would see a blank expression on my face. But if I wasn’t doing that, I would have this angry look. It didn’t mean I was, it just meant that I wasn’t approachable. That was exactly my goal. Of course, I still said ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’ to people that were nice to me. But it was a very few.

               Of course, I took my anger to the internet (I wasn’t one to talk face to face). Unfortunately, I remember what happened when I did. There was this one girl, so beautiful… so sophisticated. She intrigued me so much. One night when I was bored I messaged her on Facebook and said ‘How come you don’t date?’ I never talked to her before this so I debated silently whether she’d think it was creepy or not. She did. We talked for like five minutes, me doing most of the talking and reading her brief but obvious responses that said ‘leave me alone’ in them.

               Now I see her every day when I go to school. She’s not in my classes, but I see her drive by me, I see her in the halls, I see her in the cafeteria and I wonder to myself. Would she ever understand? Will she think I’m creepy forever? And I hold that door when the bell rings for class after lunch. No thank you from anyone again. But I still do it because it’s what I was taught to do. I’ve changed since last year and there was no factor that affected me. I just choose to be a better me and it showed that I tried to be good to people and be good in class.

               Every day I open that door to let people out of the cafeteria and I see her walk by. Everything goes into slow motion and I look into her eyes (another thing I’m trying to do). But with her, it was just where I looked automatically. I saw her glance in my direction for a second and I could see that she was creped out by me. She was appalled, it was like she was disgusted to see me. Of course, it hurt to see this.

               Kids my age, they don’t think that deeply, they take what is given. For me, I think about things, I question them. I try to be a smarter, wiser, kinder person each day. I may be the only kid left with my age that cares about others who I don’t know, or the only one to think “Hey, maybe things aren’t alright for that person even though they say they are.” Or maybe,” Something might have happened to this person to make them who they are today.” They don’t question these. If I’m a creep in her eyes, I’m nothing more to her or anyone else who thinks that also.

               Truth is, I want people to know that I’m not who I appear to me. I’m not that creep or stalker, which I feel like because I see her on a daily basis at least five times in one day. I’m a person that has emotions and has been through s**t they could only think about. I’d read facebook statuses of some of the “cool” kids and it would say ‘Man life is s****y’. Then one of their friends reply and say ‘Man, that’s deep.’ You want to talk about deep? You want to see how “deep” things can get. Talk to me, because I’ve been to the bottom of the “deep” and lived to tell the tale.

               I’m a creep by high school status and rep. But to those who know that questioning things, like I do, is a better way to understand, they know that I’m the farthest thing from a creep. Look into my eyes, I want to tell the girl, and you’ll see something has changed. I’m a different person from last year and I try my best to understand that you think I’m a creep. But truth be told, you calling me a creep is like me calling you a spoiled brat. I don’t know you’re lifestyle, I just know that you have a nice car, a lot of friends, play sports, and probably daddy’s little girl. Who am I to judge if you’re spoiled? I know one person who is this and is like me. Not considered a creep though. So I have a few questions. Can you forget last year and think that for once, things can change? Can you look a person like me dead in the eyes and say that word ‘creep’ and really mean it? Who are you to judge me if you know nothing about me?

Reviews

[SilentDreamer]

Oh, yeah. I agree. I don't fit in the greatest at my school either because I think differently. Great story, with a great moral.

[Samuel Dickens]

Being a little different makes it really tough to fit in socially, especially when you're young. I wasn't like the other kids, either, so I understand how you probably feel. My recommendation to you is to chill a bit. You obviously have strong ideas and opinions---that's ok, there's nothing wrong with that, but life will be kinder to you if you exercise some restraint. My 19 year-old son is much like you in that respect. Here is an error--"creped out by me," should be "creeped." Another is "probably (are a) daddy's girl."

[Norma M Sutton]

I think each generation goes through something similar. Glad to hear you are trying to live as you were raised.

[Closed Account]

Wow, this is reallyy good! kinda sad, though, but veryy well written and very true! (:
Great job!(: