Misery Takes One

It's hard to tell if what I dream

Is even a dream or nightmare anymore

I cry on the inside moments before they come

And wake up feeling almost empty inside

So if I dream a dream tonight

Does that mean everything's ok

Or is it just my mind being sympathetic

Knowing I will spend my day in self loathing

Thoughts of pain or death arise

But I can't tell if I'm shaking

From fear or excitement anymore

But this, too, shall be locked inside

I unknowingly drop hints of despair

Into the most casual of conversations

I say I'm "eh" instead of "bad"

Because neither of us wants to know

Or maybe these semi pleasant dreams

Are a way of saying that I can handle more

More pain, more sadness and confliction

And give me no choice but to try to arise

See, I've thought of suicide

I've thought of giving up 

Letting this abyss swallow me whole

So I can finally be at peace

But there's a part of me

A small part that is enraged

By the weakness and surrender

"Get on your feet and push through"

No hope, no reason to go on

But I do so nonetheless

Grudgingly taking the weight

Body trembling with exhaustion 

With no hope

I will not go gently

Into that so called goodnight

Instead, I will dig deep and push

Because misery only takes one

And it's better me than you

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Sad read full of angst...delicate subject matter, hits close to home. Misery not only takes one in the aftermath....when you take that leap, one only leaves the pain behind for others to embrace.

[VelvetRosetta]

Oh wow...something I know a bit to well. For I have contemplated and played with the thoughts of the could, would be if I ...leave my life behind. I am just glad I was able to hold onto the small part that is enraged by the weakness...You expressed very well how one may feel...I loved
"I unknowingly drop hints of despair
Into the most casual of conversations
I say I'm "eh" instead of "bad"
Because neither of us wants to know"

The ending really had an impact...Very well done!

[Ian Faraway]

I'm enraged by the weakness, too. I thought I was the only one who got pissed off at that kind of thing.

[VelvetRosetta]

No def. not and now even more so as I think of my past and how I let things get to me to the point I was rendered into those thoughts...it does piss one off...just wish everyone could do the same, I lost someone to suicide and its a horrid thing for family members to go through.

[Ian Faraway]

I don't know what's worse. Suicide or slowly killing yourself and not caring what your family thinks about it...

[VelvetRosetta]

Well...that is a whole different situation for sure...slowly kill yourself. Hmmm. Well I think that either way its still suicide if one puposely harms one self with the determination to succeed death in the end. If yuou ever want to talk let me know, I have come along way these last few yrs and have learned to control many issues in my life for the better...there is still some underlying poetic chaos held within lol but never the less I am a survivor and have been tempted to become a therapist for abused people and addicts. I dont have to say a word if you like I am content with just listening if needed.

[Ian Faraway]

I'm not really that kind of person. And it's not really me that it's about. I've already went through my own suicidal phase and still deal with darkness on a daily, but I know better ;)

[VelvetRosetta]

Ok so same as me...thats good to hear then =)

[Ian Faraway]

Stop having things in common with me! >.

[VelvetRosetta]

Lol..not my fault!!!! Runs to the corner..peeks around, geez!

[Ian Faraway]

CHEESUS! Can't I be like a unique individual in at least ONE section of our lives? lol

[VelvetRosetta]

Hey, I know...I am a girl and you are a boy! Doesnt that make us unique?

[Ian Faraway]

That just makes it weird. That means you're like the female version of me... except, like.... better

[VelvetRosetta]

Smh...yeah that is a bit odd isnt it? Well..I tried!

[Ian Faraway]

OH! I can speak another language, you?

[VelvetRosetta]

Spanish....y tu?

[Ian Faraway]

Je parlai un petit francais

[VelvetRosetta]

and I also parlare molto poco italiano...but not french lol

[Ian Faraway]

Io parla italiano .... kinda but not really lol

[VelvetRosetta]

yeah..i wish to learn, my drea is to live there one day

[Ian Faraway]

I would love to move to a different country.

[VelvetRosetta]

me to doubt i ever will but love the thought lol

[Ian Faraway]

It's nice to daydream.

[VelvetRosetta]

Indeed it is.