Life Stuck on Repeat

A day in the life of an obsession.

Open your eyes, heavy and dull
Check the clock, 1:13PM
Roll out of bed in a thick haze
Stumble to the bathroom
Empty yourself and undress immediately
Any excess weight is not allowed
Unacceptable
Naked and cold, you close your eyes and release a sigh
Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst
The scale, it measures any and all of your sins
Step on
Hold your breath
Wait
The number appears
Screaming in your face
Too high
Too much
Too heavy
Failure
Fat
Worthless
Scum of the Earth
You fight back tears of fury and frustration
Resisting the urge to kiss the scale with a sledgehammer
Redress and take the oh so familiar walk of shame
Returning to your room with a lowered head
Crawl back into bed
Back into the same fetal position
Underneath the dark cave of the many blankets, layered
It's never enough, fingers always freezing and ice cold bones
Thoughts roar as you surrender into a restless slumber
Time continues on with a slow, dull ache
Until the cheerful and wicked sun falls and rises yet again
When you'll wake up, repeat all and once more, be condemned

Author's Note

A little different and 'off beat' from my usual writings. Figured I'd play around with it and see what I get.

Reviews

[Jordan's Back]

the World causes this, Its so sad to know that moral decay is pop culture. For example Women's Target weights are 40 lbs more than what they are now, Today, your too fat if you weigh that. The scale was developed by science and exploited by Masochistic b******s, You have conveyed the Brainwashing well, Be Who you are, and Screw What the stupid worlds perception of what you should be is. Only then can you Truly be, Beautiful!. Wonderful write!

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thanks so very much for the review! Just going off of this piece and your piece about beauty, I'd say we have very similiar views, opinions and feelings about the world we live in and we're able to see beyond the lies and bullshit into the absolute truth of things and what is truly important.

[Jordan's Back]

Agreed, perhaps we can, if you ever have time, Share more insights into other views. I would love to message you sometime :)

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

I'd really enjoy that!

[quinfinn]

i really enjoyed this. it is a departure from what i have seen in the past, but you tackled it in great fashion. i am slightly confused but i'm going to go out on a limb here and say i get two impressions. the first is depression...i know depression intimately, trust me, and it reminded me of that venue. the second is anorexia, where the person believes themsef to be obese when they are in fact dying of malnutrition....i can't even imagine this happening to me. your word usage made this a clever and fascinating read..."empty yourself and undress"......"kiss the scale with a sledgehammer" ....this is so unique and clever. this is an excellent write, hands down!

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you so much for the in depth review! Initially it was based on what a life with an eating disorder can be like. But now as you point the depression aspect, o totally agree it's there as well. Especially because almost all who suffer with eating disorders also suffer greatly from depression, whether the depression cable before or after. So this piece could definitely be a twist of both. Again, thanks so much for the review, I really appreciate it!

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Sorry the the couple of misspelled words! I typed this while on my phone.

[RachelReaper]

This is a touchy subject matter to write on, but you did it in such a way that wasn't offensive, but more understanding than anything else. And the off-beat is a nice mix-up for you, a good job taking a risk.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you so much, that means a lot since I was so unsure of changing the style a bit and posting it!

[Kelsey]

I really like this and the fact that it's so diferent from your usual style. I really enjoyed it, as always. (:

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you! I wasn't sure about the style but figured I'd still post it and see what others thought. :)